Shake it Out
by swankkyy
Summary: Quinn wasn't always quiet. At one point she was happy. But now she feels like the life is being sucked out of her every second of every day. Sometimes it only takes one person to notice. Revise of one of my old fics. Faberry and Quick friendship. Trigger Warning! Abuse and just about everything else you can think of. This isn't gonna be an easy ride.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I couldn't stay away from writing this holiday break! This is a 100% revise and rewrite of 'Before the Dawn'. Obviously Shake it Out by Florence + The Machine inspired this whole fic. It was one of the first stories I wrote on here and I knew it could be written so much better and I felt like it needed justice. It's too good of a story for it not to be written to the standards I have for it. Review please!**

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_Quinn leaned against the wall and held the side of her torso with care. She took ragged short breaths while keeping her eyes closed, trying to forget about the pain. Her ribs were badly bruised and maybe even cracked. She could barely breathe without wincing and it almost gave her fear. But she knew how to act like nothing was wrong. It was something she'd practiced over the years she experienced of threats of it getting worse if anyone found out. Quinn limped over to her dresser drawer and pulled out the few pills that she'd bought specifically for this night. The sharp pain in her ribs would slowly dull down in a few minutes and she calmly waited for it to take over. She laid down and slowly felt herself drifting into a bliss that could only be held onto when she took those special few pills._

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The alarm blared through the room causing Quinn's body to wince at the noise. She reached for her glasses that were resting on the bed stand and lifted her blanket to inspect her body. A deep purple bruise hugged the right side of her ribs and felt as fresh as it looked. Her legs had old yellowed bruises and her arms were in no condition for show. Of course it was perfect timing that it was fall or else she wouldn't have bruises there. _He_ always knew the best places to bruise her so it'd be easy to hide. When she closely inspected her arms she saw a few almost perfect hand shaped bruises. She shamefully looked away with her emotions slowly going on edge. It was more than her body that broke her. It was the fear growing that shook her. _Don't cry Quinn. It's just a bruise, It'll heal. You've had worse. _She dressed in respectable clothes, covering everything she had to and more. She couldn't look too 'provocative' for school or else she'd get punished.

Quinn headed out the door with a shred of hope of being unnoticed but it disappeared as fast as it came when her father yelled for her, "Lucy! Don't think you're leaving here without apologizing for last night."

She winced at the name alone knowing he only called her that on special occasions. Taking a deep shaky breath, she headed towards the kitchen. Her father was a prestigious lawyer and wore a very expensive suit. His hair was slicked back and his horn rimmed glasses accompanied his devilish smile. They didn't look much alike since Quinn took after her mother. That only made things worse for her. He sat there with the morning paper in front of him with his coffee. He never looked at her after a night like last night. This morning would be no different than the rest.

"I'm sorry, I promise I'll try to be..._ Better._" Quinn said before she leaned and kissed her father's cheek and waited for a response.

His voice slithered around her throat, almost choking her. "That's more like it sweetheart. Now don't be late for school."

Once she was out the door, she got her phone out and texted Puck to meet her before class under the bleachers.

"Hey blondie, the usual?"

She nodded without saying anything. She didn't like talking to him or anyone for that matter. It was as if there was pressure being put on her vocal chords and she could only afford a few words a day.

Quinn walked away with her little handful of happiness. It didn't take her long to get an itch for the pills that felt so heavy hidden away in her pocket.

The warning bell rang and she made her way to her first class. After feeling a pull inside of herself, she got excused to go to the bathroom and once in the stall, she swallowed a few of the little white pills. She smiled at the pain on her ribs, welcoming it gracefully knowing it would leave in a short while as she leaned her head against the wall. She walked back to her class slowly, feeling herself disappear with each step she took.

Quinn had never paid attention much to the price of her pills. Money was never an issue for her since Russel Fabray always had an open wallet for his precious daughter. Puck always gave a little more than necessary and she'd always figured it was because of her past reputation or even the fact that she's probably one of the few that hasn't fallen for his charade of charm.

After first period she was able to breathe without having to push herself to not wince. It was after lunch that she found herself in a dream state. Sometimes she woke up in the middle of her haze never seemed to mind. She liked the feeling of everything else working around her as she stood still. It made her feel like she was in control like a conductor in an orchestra. Quinn was glad no one really cared enough to see how far she's fallen from the pedestal she was once on. The only people who did notice her were the teachers and Puck when she shot to him for a little dose of happiness. Even the bullies who slushied everyone never noticed or cared for her. She rather not let anyone know she exists in their tangled lives. Her father always prefered when she didn't have friends and definitely didn't allow boyfriends.

Once school was over, she hurried to her locker to drop off her books. She loved the end of the day because she would get to listen to the glee club sing. It was a ritual for her. Everyday she would sit outside the choir room and do her homework as she listened to the beautiful melodies that would echo through the hallways. She would usually leave before anyone noticed she was there so she wouldn't get confronted about sitting outside or yelled at for being weird.

While Quinn was lost in her homework and different voices, she failed to notice the girl who came out of the room. Quinn's head snapped up once she heard the echo of her feet pacing back and forth. She saw the girl she admired most in this school and was frozen while watching her pace. The brunette turned to see Quinn staring, causing her to snap out of her state of staring and turn a deep shade of red. She quickly gathered her things and decided it was probably best for her to try to leave as quietly and quickly as possible.

The beautiful brunette saw Quinn struggling to shove her books in her bag, "Oh! I'm so sorry for interrupting your studying. I was just trying to warm up for my performance."

Quinn tried her best to get up without wincing, but some of the papers from her grasp fell back on the floor, "I-it's not a problem I w-was just leaving."

The girl quickly picked up the papers for Quinn and handed them to her, "Here you go.."

Quinn looked sheepishly at her, being so thankful that she didn't have to kneel, "Thank you."

"Why were you sitting outside the choir room?"

"I was just uhm.. I was sitting out here listening to you and the club sing while finishing up some of my assignments."

She smiled at how shy Quinn was, "It's always nice to meet a fan of my vocal talent. We could always use more members you know.. Have you ever thought about joining?"

"Oh no... I can't sing and I can hardly stand on my two feet let alone dance," Quinn felt very hot and was shaking very lightly, "I'm sorry but I really have to get going."

"Wait, what's your-"

Quinn was already turning the corner down the hallway before she could finish her sentence.. She sighed deeply while running her hands through her hair, "...name."

Quinn ended up walking straight home. She decided against sitting outside the choir room from now on so she wouldn't have to explain herself again to that girl or anyone else who happens to walk out before the club was over. When she got to her room, she pulled out the pills from her pocket and lined them up on her dresser to look at them. It was a nervous habit she had once she got home. Line them up, count them, then slide them back in her secure pocket.

She thought about her conversation with the girl earlier. The truth she hid from most was that she could sing. Her mom used to tell her she had a voice that would make angels want to join her. But she knew singing would only bring her the attention she's been trying to avoid. Plus, she hasn't sung very often since her mother left. There wasn't anything that moved her enough. Sometimes she'd hum or even carry a few notes but anything past that and she felt a something in her chest grow heavier and sink deeper into whatever was there.

She fell asleep being lost in thought about the girl she listened to the most during her escapades outside the glee room. _What a beautiful girl_... She woke up and slightly opened her eyes to see her father there with his sleeves rolled up, smelling like expensive scotch.

He lazily ran his hand through her hair, "My beautiful girl..."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The ending of the original story might be changed and there might even be a sequel. I've been thinking of the many outcomes. Believe me, this version could and will be much more satisfying to read. Just because you read the original doesn't mean it's a waste of time to read this one.**

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Quinn woke up to the stench of scotch wrapping around her lungs, almost choking her. She quickly made her way to the toilet and threw up the raw contents in her stomach. She cradled her pain shot ribs and laid back. She slowly made her way to her bed stand to grab her glasses. Once she could see, she grabbed the little. She dressed in almost the same clothing as yesterday. Quinn had many of the same expensive jackets and pants. She shopped for clothes herself but was only allowed to shop at the high-end stores. Her father liked her having expensive brands so she didn't look 'cheap'. She gently pulled on her tight pants and put on her black cardigan with a white shirt under. Quinn got out of the house without her father calling her to the kitchen and she released the breath she was holding in.

Quinn has always been a smart kid. She was really good with breezing through her classes even when she was under her haze. The real learning part in school has always helped her forget about what she had to go home to. It took her mind off of things and let her escape this secret life she was living. Learning about past presidents or formulas always had a calming effect on her. It didn't hurt that she was more than brilliant and had a very high IQ.

Lunch rolled by and Quinn sat in her usual place off in the far corner of the room and looked over everyone in the room. She sat on a window seal while she ate her sandwich and almost choked when she noticed the beautiful brunette from the other day walking up to her. Before she could make a break for it, the girl was already in front of her.

"I'm sorry for keeping you from your lunch but I just wanted you to know that you don't have to sit outside the choir room."

Quinn started to feel uncomfortable and tried to stand up but the pain killers started fading away and her ribs ached. She tried to make it seem like she was just adjusting herself as she winced at the pain.

She looked down at her covered arms and pulled her sleeves as low as possible out of habit, "It's okay, I won't be sitting out there anymore. I know it could seem creepy of me-"

The girl cocked her head to the side like a confused puppy, "Why would it seem creepy?"

"Being known as the weird kid who sits and listens in on other people sing... It doesn't seem that great from my end."_ I rather not be known at all._

"You didn't seem weird to me. I enjoy having an audience other than the same people who don't recognize pure talent when it's smacking them in the face."  
Quinn blushed at being complimented while the girl continued talking, "To be honest I was very flattered to find out that someone likes listening to me. I asked Mr. Shue if you could sit in the room with us while we practice."

"I told you that I couldn't sing-"

"Oh no, we're not asking for you to join the club.. I personally know how uncomfortable the floor must be. You can just pull a seat up and do your homework or simply listen to us if you want. No pressure."

Quinn thought about it for a few seconds while chewing her sandwich, "Mmkay.. As long as I don't have to be included in the singing or dancing."

The girl smiled, "I'm Rachel by the way. I didn't get the chance to introduce myself yesterday since you left in a rush."

Quinn was now able to fit a name with the person. Rachel suited her, "Sorry I just...I don't really hang out with anyone from school that often.. I'm Quinn Fabray"

Rachel nodded, "I see you with Puck once in a while under the bleachers.. He's in Glee club too. To be honest Quinn, I know you can dance.. I've seen you perform a few years back when you were on the team. Maybe you can even sing and just don't want to. I don't mind if you don't want to perform, I wouldn't want someone pushing me to do something I didn't want to do. Well it was nice meeting you. I'll see you later."

Quinn was surprised that Rachel recognized her from a few years back. She didn't recall ever seeing her at her dance meets. With how beautiful and talented Rachel is, it would be hard to forget someone who seems so special. She didn't know how anyone could remember herself._ I'm far from special_. Quinn kept feeling her stomach jump up to her heart and settle as she thought about how absolutely gorgeous Rachel was.

She was a nervous wreck by the time glee club came around. She knew she didn't even have to talk to anyone but this was the first time going inside of the room. Would they think she was weird or a freak for sitting in there without singing? Did Rachel tell them about her sitting outside of the room to listen to them everyday and they're just gonna ambush her? The only thing that made her keep walking toward the room was her excitement to see Rachel again. Quinn was surprised with how nice the girl was and it wasn't bad if she made one friend was it? Just one friend would be enough for Quinn. _You'll probably ruin things Fabray. You always do._

Quinn came in the choir room very early and sat in the chair at the far corner to get a good look at everyone walking in. She tied her hair up so she didn't have a curtain of hair blocking her face.

The teacher walked in and noticed her, "You must be our audience I've heard about." _Great here comes the scolding._ "I'm Mr. Shue. Please don't hesitate to make yourself at home."

Quinn felt a sense of relief wash over her and nodded. Everyone came in one at a time and she made sure to take note of all of them. She eventually saw Rachel walk in and tried to hide her excited smile. She walked up and sat next to Quinn, causing the girl's stomach to do back flips. She turned to Rachel and smiled before pulling out a book and pretended to read while closely paying attention to the club. Rachel smiled in return and started tuning in to the conversations everyone was having.

Quinn felt surprisingly comfortable in there. The only person who talked to her was Puck who only said hello and winked at her. Quinn rolled her eyes at the gesture and nodded to him. The acoustics sounded better in there and every once in a while she'd glance up to see who was singing and was able to put the voices to the face.

Once Glee club was over, she grabbed her things and was about to head out when Rachel stopped her, "So, what'd you think?"

"It was lovely... It sounds so much better being in the same room as you guys."

Rachel tried to keep Quinn from quickly walking away by grabbing her arm but Quinn pulled away just as fast.

She was confused by the sudden alertness Quinn had but brushed it off, "Everyone was nervous to have you here.. They didn't say anything but I could tell that they were pushing themselves a bit more knowing they had someone who wasn't in the club listening to them."

"I hardly think I made a big impact."

Rachel gave a sad smile to Quinn, "You think so little of yourself.. It's not a bad thing to be confident Ms. Quinn Fabray.." Rachel saw that everyone was already out of the room and she smiled, "Why don't we continue this over coffee?"

"I wish I could but... I can't stay out too late. I actually have to go."_ Don't want daddy getting upset._

"I'll give you a ride-"

Quinn stopped her to avoid lying, "No! Really it's better if I just go home alone." Rachel's face fell and Quinn didn't like knowing it was her fault that she looked so sad so she tried cheering her up, "But today was nice... I can't wait to do the same thing tomorrow."

Rachel was baffled at the girl who rushed out of the choir room. She'd always been intrigued by Quinn. Looking in the corner of the lunch room to see her the blonde girl's eyes in a far off place, watching her walk home every once in a while by herself, and even ran into her at their school's dance meets a few years back. She wondered why Quinn stopped going to those since she was so good. She was easily the best dancer in that room. Rachel just sighed and figured they weren't close enough to ask anything like that yet. But hopefully they would be in time.

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**A/N: The next chapter will be focused on Quinn's home and mention what happened to her mother. Please review! I love feedback**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Warning: Physical/Sexual Abuse and drug use! **

**This chapter doesn't contain any faberry. It's extremely dark but this chapter will mean more to their relationship than you guys will know. Review and all that stuff.**

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Quinn thought about Rachel Berry while finishing up her homework. How could Rachel want to get to know her? Why would she want to go out and get coffee? _It's not like I have anything interesting to say. _But Rachel thinks so which made Quinn's stomach drown but in a good way. This girl actually noticed Quinn and made her feel like she was somebody that was worth time and effort. It had been enough for her.

Russel Fabray came in the house late at night, slamming the front door and screaming at the top of his lungs, "Lucy, you get the **fuck** out here!"

Quinn didn't hesitate to jump off her bed but stood at the doorway for the moment knowing what was to come. _Please don't hit me hard this time._ She knew it'd be bad if she waited any longer but her body was so tensed up it caused her ribs to ache. She tried to have her haze take over her and made herself walk out to the living room. Her dad stood with his belt ready in his hands. His eyes were blood-shot and his face was flushed red. It was obvious that he had been drinking but on nights like this he had something else in his system that turned him into Quinn's worst nightmare. Maybe it was anger or something rooted deeper inside of him.

Quinn stood across the living room while he threw his belt on the couch and unbuttoned his shirt. Through the rage and liquor, he still gave an unpleasant smile, "Get your ass over here _sweetheart_. You know I hate it when you're across the room."

She kept a straight face but shuddered on the inside at the pet name. They only had a few feet left between them and Quinn knew he could easily yank her from where she stood and he didn't hesitate to do so.

He twisted her arm behind her, causing her to scream, "Now, where's your mother?"

Russel twisted her arm harder making her scream her response, "_She isn't here! She left._"

He whispered in her ear, "That's right. She left us because of _you_! _You're_ the reason she's not here anymore you piece of trash."

He dug his hand forcefully in her pants, cupping her from the front. He didn't try to make it pleasant like he usually did. Quinn couldn't decide if she favored him being forceful or so gentle and kind that it would make her want to yank out her hair.

She felt herself lose focus on everything except for the words he spoke, "Who would want to be around you? You're a waste. A fucking waste."

Russel pushed her on the couch from behind. He wiped his forehead with the back of his arm and made her position herself so the back of her thighs were showing. Quinn knew what was coming and knew the worst part was waiting for it. She tried not to think about it but all that was on her mind was the belt he grabbed from under her. _Breathe. Breathe and it'll be over. It's just like a movie. He eventually has to stop and it'll be a memory. _

He got his belt and snapped it a few times, "This is all your fault. You think you can go fuck off just like your mother? I own you. You belong to _me_."

He flung his arm back and struck down as hard as he could, causing her to scream. He didn't stop and she felt everything pulsate. She couldn't feel anything after a while and was glad for the numbing. It was useless to scream and even more useless to dwell on the things going on around her. But this was much worse than other nights because she believe the things he said to her. It made sense and she thought that her mother had no other reason to leave but because of her.

Russel dropped his belt on the floor and sunk down behind her.

He latched on to her legs and sobbed without actual tears coming out, "Don't leave me like your mother. I love you more than her. So much more."

She stayed where she was until she felt him get up and start unbuttoning his pants, "You're beautiful like her. I need you to be her for me okay? Can you do that for daddy?"

The kindness faded when he felt her struggle. He pushed her face down hard on the couch and inserted himself from behind to her. She screamed in pain and tried to push herself up but he was too strong for her. He thrusted as hard as he could while saying her mom's name and then her own. When he was about to finish he pulled out letting himself finish on the couch. He then exited the room leaving her broken on the couch.

Quinn slowly got up, ignoring the way her breathing didn't catch up to her yet. She carefully made her way to her room. Her nose bled from her face being pushed into the couch and her intimate areas felt raw and beaten. Quinn knew she had to look perfect by the time school came the next day and so she ran a bath for herself. She didn't bother looking in the mirror and instead saw the damage done by scrubbing her body slowly. The water was discolored and her skin was bright shades of red and purple. She took her time cleaning her fresh wounds on her thighs without a second thought as if she were in another person's body. After cleaning the blood off of her face she got out of the tub and started putting on her pajamas. She slowly walked over to her jacket pocket and did her ritual of lining the pills up and counting. Always counting. Counting the pills, counting _on_ the pills, and counting the days for _more_ pills. She even counted after till she drifted into her coma like sleep.

She knew her father would act like nothing happened or wouldn't actually remember unless he drank again and wished she could forget too. When she woke up in the morning her body could barely move. She already felt new bruises on her arm and everything else was clashing with how badly it needed attention. She stayed curled up for a few minutes and was stiff with pain. It was hard to tell the pain apart now. Emotional and Physical pain mixed together in her and she got a headache trying to separate the two.

_How much longer can my body be willing to go through this because my sanity left a long time ago didn't it?_

_-We'll get through this together. We always do Lucy._

Quinn ignored the way her mind seemed to split and felt someone else within her. She figured it was because of the horrible night and didn't let herself think about it. She carefully pulled on her jeans and put on a long sleeve with her good arm. She took her pain killers and made sure that Puck knew she was coming for more later when she recounted at least three times. The day flew by like nothing happened. Soon she was under the bleachers, waiting for Puck.

Teachers never passed by or bothered to look in the direction of the bleachers so everyone smoked or did drug deals there. When Puck walked up, he waved his hand to clear the smoke in the air from all the cigarettes and joints being lit.

"You'd think teachers would care enough to look over here. Smells like WoodStock passed through here. At least I have manners and wait until I'm off school grounds. Maybe sometime we could have a little WoodStock of our own and I can show you how a true gentleman smokes around a lady."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, "No thanks Puckerman, You're too good for me."

"Doubt it Fabray."

He looked around while I took out my money and he pushed it back in my pocket, "Don't worry about it. You can pay me some other time."

Quinn looked at him confused so he leaned in to her and whispered, "Whoever needs this shit every other day is going through something. I can tell that you're in a lot of pain." She was about to deny what he said but he cut in before she could, "I don't need to know what you're going through but I know something is going on. I've supplied you for the past few years and I know that you probably don't want to talk about it and I won't make you. Just know that I'll have your back when you do or whenever you need me. It doesn't have to just be a drug dealer friendship. I'm a good listener and I won't tell anybody. I'll be here when you need me but from now on its free, okay?"

She didn't know what to say. Quinn didn't want to deny it anymore. She was just too tired.

Quinn nodded her head and tried to hug him with her free arm, "Thank you."

He walked away acting like nothing happened, "You have my number Fabray."

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**I know this chapter was rough to read and believe me it was bitch to write. When I originally wrote it, it was only looked over once before I posted it because I didn't want to reread the pain Quinn was in. But I think that knowing the story and thinking about it for the past few months, I've learned to dig out the little Quinn Fabray from this story I have inside myself and let that dark place take over.  
**

**So please review and tell me how this is going for you :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse**

**By the way, my playlist for this story as I rewrite and edit is the acoustic version of Face Down by The Jump Suit Apparatus, acoustic version of Shake it Out by Florence + the Machine, and The Show Must Go On by Queen**

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Quinn was the first to arrive to Rachel's voice in the choir room. She slowly sat in the same seat she occupied last time. Her eyes closed at the sting in her thighs but it was a only shown as a whisper on her face. She kept her eyes closed so she could concentrate on the beautiful voice filling the air. Rachel was always her favorite to listen to when she sat outside. Her voice made her forget about home and made her focus on what was happening right at that moment. Like the deep breaths she took, the stillness around her, and her heart slowly beating. She didn't understand the feeling that filled her body and how a serge of amazing energy entered her at the thought of Rachel. Quinn opened her eyes as the last note hung in the air to see Rachel's eyes staring back at her.

She walked up and sat next to Quinn as the other glee club members came in the room, "Did you like that?"

"I always enjoy your singing."

Rachel blushed while looking at her hands resting on her lap, "I'll probably drag you along when I need to practice from now on just to hear you say that... I really enjoy your company while I sing."

"I look forward to that."

Puck came in and sat in front of Quinn like a guard dog. She tapped him on the shoulder and whispered hello to him.

"Hey blondie." He said with an almost flirtatious tone. It was almost like it was an act for everyone else that she could see. Quinn shook her head and smiled in return.

Puck nodded and turned back around and glared at anyone who looked in Quinn's direction. Rachel's eyes went back and forth between Quinn and Puck. He was known for having sex with anything he got his hands on and Rachel knew that just as well as anyone else, if not better. But Quinn never saw him like that and she was sure he wasn't planning on having sex with her after their conversation.

Everyone seemed to be pushing their voices a little harder again for Quinn. They all knew it was valuable to have someone who liked hearing them sing in the room even if she didn't have one critique to make. Mr. Shue, of course, was beyond thrilled that everyone started trying their best. He praised that Quinn was their lucky charm and she quickly became red at the statement. She really did feel so welcomed by the Glee club. They weren't there to impress anyone and made her feel something of value even if it was only for that hour.

After the lesson was over, Rachel turned to talk to Quinn, "What else are your plans this weekend?"

Quinn shrugged causing pain to erupt from her shoulders, "I was planning on just going home today and Sunday is church so I can't do anything but worship."

Rachel examined the girl's composure. She wondered if Quinn knew that Rachel absolutely adored her. She really hoped she wouldn't turn her down once again to hang out.

Rachel cleared her throat before continuing, "Well maybe we'll be able to have that cup of coffee today? Unless you don't want to or have other plans of course."

Quinn wondered why she was so adamant about this. She smiled at the way Rachel was impatiently waiting for a response as she thought it over. Her father _has_ come home late these past few weeks.. It shouldn't be a problem if she went out for coffee.

She smiled at Rachel and nodded her head, "I would like that."

While Rachel was driving, Quinn felt for her pills in her pocket. She made sure they were safely tucked away and tried to forget that she was past due for another dose. Once they got to the coffee place, Quinn made sure she was able to get out of the car as painless as possible. They walked in and ordered their drinks and when Rachel was about to pay Quinn shook her head and intercepted with her card. She didn't need the tiny brunette wasting money on her.

Rachel blushed and couldn't stop smiling, "I could've paid for my drink at the very least Ms. Fabray."

"Yeah but that would've been rude of me Ms. Berry."

They sat down and Quinn saw Rachel linger her eyes a little too long on Quinn's body. She wondered if she was looking at her or if there was something on her shirt.

Before she could check, Rachel spoke up. "I'm happy you agreed to have coffee with me."

"Well you've been very persistent in asking me.. I don't think I would've been able to say no for much longer anyways."

Rachel looked down at her coffee, "I've wondered since Glee club... Why do you hang out with Noah?"

Quinn paused for a moment before answering her question, "He's a friend. At least I consider him one. I don't know if it's returned."

"He's very protective of you. His flirting could be a bit more subtle for my taste."

Quinn smiled at how much she seemed to care, "Believe me, we're only friends. He wouldn't try to make me his next 'conquest'. It's not like _that_."

Rachel laughed at how silly it sounded. She knew Puck wouldn't try to hurt her in any way. He almost looks at Quinn like she's a little sister. But she still found to be jealous at how much attention Quinn gives him. He's the only person she seems to _like_ to be around.

"Can I ask something else Quinn?"

She nodded for Rachel to continue, "Why didn't you continue your dancing? You were amazing. I'm surprised you're not a Cheerio with Santana and Brittany.. Didn't they used to be your best friends?"

It was a shock to see how much Rachel knew about her, "How do you know more about me than I know of you?"

"Because I've noticed you." Rachel said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "You guys were the unholy trinity, dancing to the top of the social pyramid. It was hard to miss the pretty blonde dancer." Rachel blushed before continuing, "Then one day you sat by yourself and kept it that way."

Quinn looked away from Rachel while she thought about her two old best friends. They stopped talking around the time her father started coming into her room late at night. She was ashamed of what was happening even if she didn't what was going on exactly. She just dropped them the minute it started, knowing they would hate her if they ever found out. It was repulsive and she didn't want anything to do with it herself so why would they?

Before the silence lasted too long Quinn cleared her throat so her voice wouldn't waver, "I just decided it was best."

Rachel nodded and stood up, "Well I should probably get you home now that our coffee is almost finished and cold."

When Quinn stood up her ribs shot pain throughout her whole torso. It was so painful that she had to hold the table for support. She grimaced as she held her side and looked up to see Rachel reach towards her to help.

Quinn waved her off and got herself to stand up. She knew she had to come up with an excuse before Rachel said anything. She started to walk with a bit of a limp but it eventually evened out and she felt better. Rachel eventually asked if she was okay with worry burying her eyes.

"I'm fine... I tripped and fell on my side this morning so I'm still sore."

"That seems serious though.. Maybe we should get you to the doctor so-"

Quinn turned to face Rachel, "_No_."

Once she noticed how defensive she was standing, she shook her head, "I'm fine, really.. It's just a bit sore. Nothing a few aspirin can't fix."

_That's right, keep lying.. Only a few more minutes and you'll be safe._

Quinn smiled at Rachel while pushing the voice back in the dark corners of her mind. When they arrived at her house Quinn noticed her father's car in the driveway. She cursed to herself while getting out of the car like nothing was wrong.

"Thanks for the ride. I'll see you tomorrow mmkay?"_ Hopefully, if I make it through the night._

Rachel smiled and said goodbye while she drove away. Quinn made her way up the drive way and stopped once she got to the door. She took a deep breath before opening the door and went straight to her father. He was in his office when she came in so she automatically walked to his desk and stood there.

He looked up from his paperwork and took off his glasses, "Where were you?"

"I-I went to get coffee with a friend. I came home right after."

He leaned back in his chair while crossing his arms. After several long seconds he put his glasses back on and continued doing his work.

"Okay, well you know I don't like you staying out late so as long as your back before dark you can be with your little _friends_."

Quinn's legs were still shaking as she made her way to her dad and kissed him on the cheek, "Thank you."

She walked out of his office and went straight to her room. She felt her phone buzz and expected it to be Puck since he's one of the few people with her number.

_-Had a nice time at the coffee shop with you. Hopefully we can do it again soon?_ **xoxo Rachel**

She was surprised to see that Rachel had got a hold of her number but didn't think much about it before texting back

_I'd be up for that. Maybe I can drop in on your practices one day as well.._

She smiled at her phone as she sent her text and laid down on her bed. How could she feel so happy with receiving only a simple text from Rachel? The beautiful, smart and talented Rachel. Her thoughts soon lingered on Rachel's soft lips and delicate hands and quickly stopped herself. She was a friend to Rachel. How could she be thinking about a girl like this? She counted her pills as if they were sheep and fell asleep after chasing a few with water.

Russel Fabray came into Quinn's room late at night. He stripped the blanket off the bed causing her to wake up. He got on top of her as she laid still and started fumbling with his pants zipper.

He whispered his apology for the night before, "I'll be gentle for you tonight."

He thrusted himself gently inside of her and she barely let out a whimper. It was less painful but so much longer. She felt him finish after several long minutes and he stayed hovering on top of her for a few seconds, "My beautiful girl."

Once he left, she still didn't move a muscle but multiple tears ran down her cheeks. She felt disgusting and pathetic as she laid in bed. She didn't sleep at all that night, afraid that he might come back in her sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Quinn walked up to Puck's house and waited for him to answer as she sat on his steps. It was saturday morning and with her new privileges, she didn't think of texting anyone else. Once they were inside, they headed towards the basement and shut the door behind them. There were a couple of bean bags on the floor and a small stereo. While Puck sorted through his CD collection, he threw a bag of weed by Quinn's feet as she slowly sat down on the bean bag. He noticed the way she angled herself as she lowered her body but didn't stare for too long before shaking it off and joining her. She reached over and grabbed the bag he threw at her and raised her eyebrows.

"I told you I'd be a gentleman."

Quinn shook her head and pushed the bag back to Puck and watched him smoke by himself. She liked her pills and didn't need anything else to satisfy her own cravings. She couldn't decide if that was good or bad thing.

After a few minutes of silence Puck leaned back and closed his eyes, "So what's happening between you and Berry?"

"We're... Friends I think."

"It seems like she's aiming for more than friends.. You know she's gay right? Like full on Lesbihonest?"

Quinn thought about it before answering, "I don't care if she's gay.. She's nice to me. She noticed me before anyone else did."

"I noticed you."

Quinn rolled her eyes, "Yeah you did, but it was just drug deals. She wants to be my _friend_. Right off the bat."

"Just don't expect for her to only want to be _friends _forever."

She looked at Puck and chuckled, "She seemed to get irked about you when we had coffee. Something about your flirting not being very subtle..."

"Oh did she? Well I guess I deserve that.. I have a reputation to uphold and believe me _this_ bad boy tried tapping that but she plays on a different team. Lets just say she loves a challenge and you seem like a pretty big one."

"What does that mean?", Quinn said almost offended.

"You're a church girl Fabray. You wear that gold cross necklace around your neck and you seclude yourself from everybody. People just assume it's because 'you don't wanna be brought down in sin' or something like that.", Puck did air quotes causing Quinn to start laughing.

"and obviously that's the reason if I'm sitting here with the infamous Noah Puckerman, watching him smoke _blasphemous_ weed."

Puck joined in laughing and nodded his head, "Hey, I'm not saying watch out for her because I have a worse rep _but_ I'm not trying to sleep with you. Just make it clear to her of what you want. She can be a little.. Over the top sometimes."

"What if I wanted her like how she wants me... Would that be okay?"

"I wouldn't mind", Puck paused for a few seconds and added, "But maybe you weren't asking if _I_ would be okay with it."

"I don't know who would be okay with it. It's definitely a sin worth whispering about in this town."

Puck nodded his head and ran his hand through his mohawk, "Well you have me. Anyone who doesn't like it can deal with it or I'll have a talk with them... If that's what you want."

Quinn thought about her father and knew he would do so much more than what he's been doing recent nights if he found out she was even having these fantasies of being with a woman. But it was hard to admit otherwise that she liked Rachel Berry. It was like trying to stop breathing. Eventually you have to take in a big breath of air and accept the inevitable.

"You don't mind if we hang out during school besides in Glee club, do you Fabray? I mean, I know I'm your supplier but it'd be easier to have some company once in a while."

Quinn had a feeling Puck wanted to watch over her more than hang out with her casually but it gave her a secure feeling she's never had, "Sure."

Puck wanted to ask her about the pain she was feeling but he understood that it would take time for her to open up about that. He was surprised that she admitted something was going on when he told her he knew she was hurt. When he looked at her, he saw a very broken girl who needed people to help fix her. Whoever is trying to destroy this girl needed to be found and taken out of her nightmares for good.

Quinn saw that it was starting to get late so she headed out and made her way home. Once she was there she went to her room and stayed in there. It always felt like a little prison to her. Somewhere that was always waiting to swallow her in and made her wait for the next visiting session from daddy to arrive. She knew her father would be in her room tonight. She also knew he wouldn't stop going in her room late at night. She wondered if she would ever be allowed to leave this house for good and if she did, would he be waiting for her to come back?

_Daddy loves us too much and you love him enough to let him in your bed. Don't put all the blame on him..._

She shook her head and held her stomach as it turned but the voice kept going

_Reach into your pocket and take more.. Daddy will need our body soon_

She couldn't stop the voice from telling her how much she deserved the night sessions and how the pretty pills in her pocket would make the pain go away. She trusted the voice like usual at this time of night and took more pills. It was comforting to feel nothing and she just felt the voice smile in the back of my head as if it knew her so well.

Monday came by at a glacial pace as usual. During her Sunday, she had received several texts from Puck that made the day easier for her to get through. Usually it was just her father to keep her company all day and it was nice having someone to text while he was away or not paying attention.

When Quinn showed up for school, Puck was waiting there to walk to class with her. He never failed to show up for her during lunch and passing. People stared at both of them constantly but he just kept his cool and shot a dirty look here and there.

Puck didn't know how early Quinn actually went into the choir room for Glee club so she was in the room alone until Santana and Brittany approached her. Quinn tried not to stare at them as they made their way in the room but it was difficult when Santana was giving her infamous glare towards her. She was in one of her very cloudy states and tried to clear the fuzziness around her but loved it too much to really want to make it go away.

Santana started talking before they even stopped in front of her, "What do you think you're doing Fabray?"

Quinn looked at Brittany and smiled very subtly, "Hey Britt.."

Britt gave a sad smile back and looked like she was about to wave when Santana snapped her fingers in Quinn's face to get her attention, "Did you hear me? What do you think you're doing?"

"I don't know what you're referring to Santana but it's nice to see you too."

"Mohawk boy? I owns him. Sure we aren't official but at the end of the day he answers to _me_. Do you understand?"

"But I thought Brittany was yours?"

Santana turned red and pointed a finger in Brittany's direction, "She's none of your business and as far as anybody else is _concerned_, me and Brittany are just friends. You chose for things to be this way remember? One day you started ignoring the both of us and Brittany was so hurt by it that she didn't want to leave her bed for weeks. So just get things straight, Puck is mine and if you expect him to be serious with you then you're wrong. You're just a piece of ass who has his attention when I'm not around to satisfy him."

Brittany bowed her head down and hid her face behind Santana's shoulder. Quinn noticed and tried calming Santana down, "We're friends... We've never kissed or even thought about it. It's not like that."

"Oh yeah, I forgot you like that _Gay Berry_ chick, don't you. Surprising how far down the rabbit hole a girl can go in a few years. I suggest you keep your lezzy mouth away from Puck or else-"

"Or else what?" Puck walked up to Santana and stood in front of Quinn protectively, "We're just friends. I'm not going to hook up with her. Why don't you get over yourself Santana. All I am is your beard so leave before you hurt Brittany more because this isn't proving how _straight_ you are, it's only making things worse."

Santana turned to Brittany to see her trying not to cry while failing at hiding behind her arm. Once Santana saw Brittany's face she grabbed her hand and kissed it, "I'm sorry", She turned towards Quinn and glared, "Things are not okay between us. And what you just saw between me and Britt, _stays_ between me and Britt got it?"

She walked away while whispering her apologies to Brittany. Puck rolled his eyes and took a seat with Quinn as people came into the choir room, "Are you okay? Did she hurt you or anything?"

Quinn smiled and shook her head as she drifted back in the clouds a bit more. Once Rachel showed up, Puck moved to the chair front of Quinn and motioned for Rachel to take a seat in his place.

Rachel gave a smile to Quinn and almost tried to reach for her hand forgetting that Quinn flinched away last time they touched. She looked at Quinn and saw her eyes almost looked dead or empty.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Quinn giggled a little before licking her lips, "Never better.."


	6. Chapter 6

Quinn feels her phone vibrate to find an unknown number pop up. She thinks about ignoring it but curiosity gets the best of her and answers, "Uhm, Hello?"

"Quinn? It's uh.. It's Santana."

She thought about hanging up but heard Brittany in the background, "Come on San, you said you would do it."

"Why'd you call?"

"Well because... _Britt_ wanted to make sure you were alright from what happened in the choir room between us and-"

She heard Brittany interrupt again, "No, it was your idea Santana."

"I know, please let me talk baby" Santana cooed.

Quinn could almost hear Brittany's smile through the phone, "I'm just peachy. Is that all?"

"well uhm... I-I guess so."

"Santana, you promised you'd try!"

Santana paused for a few seconds and took a deep breath, "Look it'd be nice if we all hung out sometime. I got a little crazy last time we saw each other but I wouldn't mind catching up."

Quinn didn't know how to respond to Santana being submissive. While thinking it over, she heard her front door slam and knew it was her father. He didn't seem happy. Before he could yell, she quickly got off the phone, "I'll think about it, alright? I have to go."

Instead of ordering Quinn to go to the living room, Russel slammed Quinn's door open causing her to jump. She quickly got up and tried not to flinch as he struck the back of his hand down at the side of her face. She felt the blood pulsating out of her nose and her eye water. He slammed her body into the wall and watched her scream in pain with enjoyment. She closed her eyes knowing that no matter how much she begged, he wouldn't stop. Quinn found out the hard way that he enjoyed her painful grunts. His hits would be harder at the sound and he would keep going for longer until she didn't have anything left to give him.

Once he gave his last blow, she was on the floor in the corner of her room. He left without saying anything and went to bed. It had been one week for Quinn without having a night of bruising and bloodshed. She felt like her father was a volcano, slowly building up and she was just waiting for the eruption to happen.

She knew his midnight visits wouldn't be enough sooner or later and he'd get too drunk or angry at her for her mom. It was a subject neither of them touched in the Fabray household unless her father was wasted and looking for his punching bag. Quinn tried to not think about her mom but she saw her when she looked at her own reflection. Quinn quickly got up once she snapped out of her daze to grabbed a few things with her shaky hands and headed out the door without making a sound. She practically ran all the way to Pucks house and shakily knocked on his door.

When he came out to see what was going on, he saw her bruised and bloody face with her hand cradling her ribs, "Quinn, what the fuck happened?!"

"I'm sorry.. I-I didn't know where else to go..." She took a deep breath before moving her hand to the dry blood beneath her nose, "I... I got in the way."

"Of what!?"

Quinn laughed but quickly regretted it for her ribs, "My dad."

Puck brought her to his room and made her sit on his bed while he left for a few minutes. She saw his bottle of pain killers near her feet and quickly slid a few down her throat. She knew he wouldn't mind but he didn't need to know how many she needed from the tolerance she's built up. He came back with a wet cloth, ice, and a first aid kit.

He figured he'd start from the top so he got the wet cloth and started cleaning off the dry blood and icing the bruise that formed on her cheek.

"I'm not trying to feel you up or anything but I'm gonna check if your ribs are okay."

Quinn lifted her arms up and let him softly feel the sides of her ribs, "Do you mind if I take a look?"

She nodded her head while a few tears escaped, allowing him to slowly lift her shirt up. When he lifted it, he saw deep purple bruising forming and some yellowing bruises trained on her sides and back. He saw the repeated marks and quickly got angry. He couldn't imagine her defenseless body being thrown around without anyone knowing or caring enough to notice.

He shook his head and slowly put her shirt down, "When did it start?"

"I was 13. My mom left and he got angry at me saying it was my fault. He's been putting me in her place since then. He said he'll stop hurting me when she comes back but... I know that day won't come."

"What happened to your mom? She just left you defenseless against him?"

Quinn started tearing up tried to make herself stop shaking, "She just disappeared one day when I came back from school. My father was at the kitchen table drinking and told me she left because of me. he never put down the glass of whiskey after that."

"Is that why you stopped hanging around Santana and Brittany? From being ashamed?" Quinn nodded her head letting the tears fall, "That night he crawled into my bed and told me to never tell anyone with what he was doing to me. He said it was too special to let anyone know and that it meant he wasn't mad anymore. He's so scared of me leaving him like my mom did."

Puck knew things would only get worse in time, "You can't be that far away from being a legal adult.. He can't touch you if you leave."

"That's a month from now though.."

He sighed in frustration and tried distracting both of them from her home life, "When you lay down, try to lay on the side that hurts. I know it's weird and uncomfortable but it'll help with your breathing. Oh and try to take deep breaths or cough every once in a while. Got it?"

"How do you know all this stuff? You don't seem the doctor type to me."

Puck started putting all the first aid stuff to the side while talking, "When my dad was around, he liked to drink and he always got angry. That's why I have all this pain medication. I ended up being hospitalized by him before high school started for me. My mom made us move here and I never saw him again. I can still get refills on the meds so I just sell them for a few extra bucks. Never thought they would help anyone until I started selling to you." He chuckled to himself, "You were so scared when I first made a deal with you. It was obvious that you didn't want it for fun."

Quinn turned to him and saw a completely different person. She didn't see a bad boy with a known reputation from under the bleachers, she saw a little boy trying to help someone that's just like him. She wondered if he saw her as the broken girl she feels like when she's by herself. By the way he looks at her, she'd say he did.

"Are you gonna tell anyone about my father?"

Puck shook his head but kept his eyes adverted from her, "I want to. I want to go straight to the cops and show them what an asshole the big shot Lawyer Fabray is. But I also know that he can buy his way out of anything and he'll just keep you closer to him than before."

Quinn nodded her head and whispered, "I don't want Rachel to find out."

Puck ignored what she said and kept himself talking, "We _do_ need to get you out of that house. I don't care if he comes after me, I can't let you stay there."

Quinn nodded and curled up in a ball next to him. She felt safe being at his house but knew she had to leave sometime soon if she didn't want anything else to happen to her.

She woke up in his arms around 4am and quietly snuck out of his house. Once she was in her own room she tried to sleep but knew it wasn't going to happen. The night felt like a dream to her. Everything was very calm in her house when she left for school. There was no sign of her father anywhere so she figured it must've been his day off and he was sleeping off the night he had.

She covered her face with makeup perfectly. There wasn't any sign of bruising and the swelling went down thanks to Puck. Once at school she saw Puck waiting in his usual place for her, "When did you leave last night?"

"I couldn't stay without him getting angry.. I'm sorry."

"No, I understand. Is your ribs okay?"

"Yeah they feel a lot better thanks to your advice Dr. Puckerman."

Rachel came walking up and waved at Puck to go away. He nodded his head and strayed away from them so they could have their privacy.

Quinn looked at her with her eyebrow raised, "Is there a reason you just shooed Puck away from us?"

"Noah doesn't mind. I wanted to ask you something."

Quinn waited for her to continue but Rachel seemed like she was struggling.

Rachel finally looked up and brushed a lock of hair behind Quinn's ear, "We've been shamelessly flirting with each other for the past 2 weeks over coffee and singing.. I was thinking that the next logical step would be me taking you on an actual date other than just going out for coffee after glee."

When Quinn didn't say anything Rachel got worried, "Unless you weren't flirting.. I think I may have just made a complete ass out of myself-"

"I _was_ and_ am_ definitely flirting with you. I just didn't think you were interested in me like that. I would love going on an actual date with you. I don't exactly know what it entails but I guess I'll find out."

Rachel squealed and jumped up and down making Quinn raise her eyebrow again and smile. Rachel quickly composed herself before kissing Quinn's cheek near the corner of her mouth and practically skipped to her class.

Quinn felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest when Puck walked up next to her and softly patted her shoulder, "Well that's not at all what I was expecting. I've never seen her so _girly_ before. But I'm sure she's realizing that she skipped off into the sunrise and almost dying of embarrassment at this very moment. You've got a live one Fabray."

Quinn laughed and playfully pushed Puck before walking to her class, "I'm sure she does this with every girl."

He shrugged and let her lead him into the school without hesitating.

* * *

**Puck's POV [Night Time]**

Rachel sat with Puck after dinner at her house and talked mostly about Quinn, "You didn't tell her did you?"

"Why would I do that? I'm not about to squeal on you. I did mention the many girls you've persuaded to get into bed with you but she didn't seem like she cared about that. She said you're 'nice to her' and that's all that matters."

Rachel blushed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "I really like her. There's more to her than anyone is willing to see. Promise me that for the time being you'll make sure she's safe for me.."

"I can't promise that. If she even knew what you know about her.. She'd stop talking to both of us."

"Well you didn't have to tell me anything, I already knew. It's not my fault you never told her that we go to shul together and how your mom is practically family. I guess now it just works in our favor that we can help her."

Puck got up at the sight of his mom starting to leave, "Whatever. I just want whats best for her. You better be planning an amazing date for this girl because she deserves the best."

"Trust me, I've been dreaming of it since I first saw her."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry for the sorta late Authors Note! I totally forgot to mention a thank you to my beta Freakish Sweetheart! She's really awesome and I can't thank her enough for helping me with this. She's totally awesome.**

* * *

She felt empty. everything around her felt dull and lifeless as she waited for her father to finish. There was no use of fighting him or crying afterward. Quinn just gave up on trying to hold on to hope while he was inside her. He grunted on top of her and it made her wince. There was a time where she felt everything. She felt the way his hands were just rough enough to hurt her and how it would clash with the softness of her bed. She remembered the tears that would roll down her cheeks when he wasn't looking. But there was a time, and Quinn couldn't pinpoint exactly what time it was, when it stopped. Everything faded like noise in the background. She was able to clear her mind and just stop fighting.

"Tell me.. you love me."

Quinn closed her eyes and tried to push the words out of her mouth, "I.. I love you daddy."

It wasn't long after that that he finished. It wasn't long after that that she fished around for her pills that would make her forget the words were ever said.

A few hours later she found herself getting up from Pucks bed and pulling on her shoes. It's been routine for them the past few nights. She'd wait until her father would go to sleep and would slip out of her house to go to his place to sleep.

He tried talking to her as she struggled with her shoes, "I hate watching you go back there."

"Well what am I supposed to do?"

"Not go back.. We can figure something out. At least have me drive you home. I know you're still in pain."

Quinn smiled at how much Puck cared, "No, if my father knew I was spending all my time with a _boy.. _Not to mention me sneaking out in the middle of the night, he'd do worse to me and I know it. Just wait until the end of the month. I'll try to get out before my birthday."

Quinn thought about leaving since she started going to Pucks at night but had no idea where to stay. He was nice but she doubted she'd be welcomed to live with him.

"I'll figure it out. Just stay safe please."

Quinn started walking home and texted Rachel. She'd been thinking about what her date would be like with her since she said yes. Rachel had put it on hold until the weekend so she could have time to prepare for it. Quinn didn't mind waiting. She felt comfortable enough around Rachel to know that it was going to be special no matter what. They've spent more time together since Quinn decided to sit in on Rachel warming up her vocals at school. She even let Rachel help her with her own singing and eventually got comfortable enough to sing for the Glee club.

It had been on Quinn's mind for a long time to give back to the club instead of listening in on them. After a few days of practicing with Puck in his basement and letting Rachel coach her, she decided it was time to sing in front of the people she had listened to outside the choir room since she began attending McKinley. When the day arrived, Quinn was more than nervous. She watched the others come in and sat down.

Rachel had tried her best to keep her hands to herself so she wouldn't make Quinn feel uncomfortable. It was a surprise to her that Quinn took the fleeting kiss on the cheek she gave her so well. She knew that she shouldn't have made such a bold move like that. It didn't help that she felt embarrassed for skipping away like she did.

Mr. Shue interrupted Rachel's train of thought, "This week has really been about broadening our horizons and because of that, we have a wanted new addition to glee club today. Everybody, give a hand to Quinn Fabray for finally joining us."

The club turned to see Quinn's face turn red as she and Puck made their way to the front of the room, "I've wanted to give back to the club since all I've done is sit in here and listen to you guys. But just listening was enough to realize where home was for me. I felt very accepted in here from the start hope I could be a great asset to the club."

She signaled Puck to start playing and began singing Dream by Priscilla Ahn.

Quinn started off really soft and slowly began to pick up the power in her voice. Quinn was swaying lost in her own world unaware that anyone was in the room. It was something special and everyone knew it. Rachel hung to every note like it was the only thing that was keeping her breathing. Once the last note hung in the air she realized that she was still sitting in front of the Glee club having capturing all their attention. They all gave her a standing ovation and came to the front of the room to group hug her.

She turned to see Brittany and Santana standing in the doorway of the room, peeking inside. Everyone sat back down and noticed the two girls. They all waited for them to speak up. Brittany hid herself behind Santana, too shy to look at everyone staring at them.

Santana spoke up for both of them so Brittany wouldn't have to, "We want to join Glee club."

They all just looked at them waiting for an explanation. Quinn motioned for Brittany to sit by her and hugged her.

Santana waved everyone off, "We were passing by and we heard Quinn singing. Brittany's been wanting to join for a while now but wouldn't come unless I joined with her. So whatever. Don't think I'm getting soft on you losers; I'm just here for the entertainment."

She went and sat next to Brittany while giving dirty looks to anyone who looked in their direction. Once Glee club was over, Santana turned and got Quinn's attention, "So have you thought about us hanging out?"

"I have, and I think it'll be fun"

Santana perked up immediately but didn't try to hide it like she would've with anyone else, "Great, well... When are you free?"

Quinn looked over at Rachel who signaled her to not worry and to go hang out with them, "I'm free now.. I mean if that's alright?"

Brittany squealed and attacked Quinn for a hug while Santana rolled her eyes at how fast she answered. Santana led them to her car and drove them to her house where they watched TV and hung out like old times. It was as if Quinn never stopped being their friend.

Once things started getting quiet, Brittany layed on Santana's lap and frowned at Quinn, "Why did you stop hanging out with us Q? What happened?"

Quinn gave a sad smile to Brittany, "I didn't think you guys would want to be friends with me."

"What was wrong before?"

Quinn looked at Santana who tried to seem like she didn't care for an answer but her eyes said another story. She looked away trying to avoid answering Brittany's question.

"Why don't you want to answer?" Santana said with a glare that hid the broken look behind her eyes.

"It's not black and white San-"

"She didn't really _care_ for us Brittany. She's ignoring the question because she still doesn't care."

Brittany looked at Quinn while talking to Santana, "Don't say that San. She did care. We were best friends remember? I feel like the only one who does."

"Then why can't she answer a simple question if we were all best friends? We never kept anything from each other. Then one day, poof! She disappeared. Seems pretty uncaring to me. She probably thought she was too good for us. The cross from her neck probably told her that we're too _sinful_ for her."

Quinn stared at Santana since she was unable to look at Brittany, "I had a lot going on. My Mom _left_. You know that and I couldn't tell you guys about what was happening. It was too much."

Santana shook her head, "That's bullshit Q because when my parents split up- I told you guys. When Brittany's Grandparents died- she told us. We were all there for each other when these things happened. Why couldn't you just tell us?"

"It's not that simple Santana."

"Stop giving cop outs that it wasn't that simple or it's complicated because I'm not stupid and neither is Brittany. We were able to handle and _can_ handle whatever it was."

"Please stop." Quinn whispered.

Santana gave her a bewildered look, "Why do you have to sit here and hurt Brittany and me? Why do you have to get _our_ hopes up of having you back? Why can't you just tell us the truth instead of playing these stupid games?"

"I WANT TO SANTANA! YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I RATHER JUST IGNORE YOU GUYS?!" Quinn took a deep breath, "I can't tell you! I just.. I can't."

"No Quinn, it's not that you can't, it's that you _won't_. There's a difference."

"I rather you not be in my life and confused than you choosing to leave me and hating me for..." Quinn stopped before she said too much. She got up and wiped the tears that fell down her cheeks, "I'm so sorry."

She walked out of Santana's house and tried not to get worked up about it. Santana followed her out and showed a side of her that only Brittany ever got to see.

She stood there with a face that showed a broken heart, "I don't understand Q. Please just come back inside and be how we used to. Ever since you stopped talking to us, everything just doesn't feel the same. You stopped dancing and cheer leading and Brittany thinks it's because you want nothing to do with us. You barely talk to anyone except Puck and only recently Rachel. What's happening to you?"

"I-I can't tell you. Maybe one day but it's too hard for me now. I care about you and Brittany too much to let you guys hate me. I'm so _ashamed_ of things. If you knew... You'd be disgusted of me."

"Why do you think we'll hate you? You're like our sister Q."

"Because... I just can't imagine any other scenario. You'll hate me."

"We won't Quinn! We love you too much to just leave you don't you understand?"

Quinn just shook her head and hugged Santana for a short few seconds, "I'm sorry but things aren't what they used to be anymore."

Quinn walked away knowing her home was only a few minutes away. It hurt her knowing Santana opened up just for her to tear her down. But she rather hurt Santana in a small way than she find out what's been going on and look at her like she was disgusting. Her own mind told her everyday how filthy it was and it's true. She ducked her head as the tears fell and didn't have to look back to know Santana watched her until she disappeared in the distance.

Things changed for her that first night her father came into her bedroom. Everything deflated in her life. The love she once felt for the world and everyone around her got crushed. She couldn't feel anything after that night until Glee club. But having close friendships was something that was making her stomach turn. She didn't want people to find out. What would they say if they knew she let her father into her bed night after night?

_They would probably hate you._

She grimaced at the voice and let a few more tears fall. It was right and there was nothing she could do but numb the pain.

* * *

**Puck's POV**

Rachel's dads sat with Rachel and Puck in their living room as they talked about Quinn, "We want to do what we can to help. You and Rachel are important to us. If someone else is going through what you two went through, we can only try to help. Obviously this girl must be very special since Rachel won't stop talking about her."

Rachel blushed and bowed her head down, "She's extraordinary. She just doesn't realize it."

"So we all agree that she's our responsibility?" Puck said with his hands wringing the end of his jacket.

Hiram looked at him sternly in the eye, "We didn't have to think about saving you. We knew it was our job to make sure you were safe from your father. The same goes for Quinn. We may not have met her but we know our responsibilities as Rachel's dads and working with the system. We help as much as we can."

"Would you guys go as far as letting her stay with you?"

"Of course."

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**A/N: Review :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Seriously, this chapter would be shit if I didn't have my AMAZING beta- Freakish Sweetheart**

**Okay, review and all that good stuff :)**

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Rachel finished getting ready for her date at Puck's house, "So you're cool with being our chauffeur today?"

"Yeah, it's no problem. Just make sure to not attack her face again. It was embarrassing enough the first time." Puck said while faking gagging noises.

Rachel shook her head while a huge grin spread on her face. This date couldn't have arrived faster. It had to be perfect for Quinn. Anxiety kept bubbling inside her as they drove to her house in complete silence.

"You'll do fine Rach. It's not like you guys haven't hung out before."

"Be quiet Noah. If you mess this up for me I swear I won't speak to you for a very long time."

"What are friends for? I'm practically family! Who would I be to not embarrass you a little bit?"

Rachel rolled her eyes and lightly punched his shoulder as they pulled up to Quinn's house. She slid into Puck's car and grabbed Rachel's hand to put on her lap. Her heart pounded against her chest as she felt her hand in her own.

"So where are we going?" Quinn said after a few seconds of silence.

"It's a surprise."

Puck drove them into the city and pulled up to a little art studio. He watched them get out and wiggled his eyebrows, "You two have fun together. Call me when you need a ride. Be safe you crazy kids."

Rachel rolled her eyes again and hit him before exiting the car. She led Quinn into the empty studio and turned around, "So what do you think?"

"What is this place?" She asked while taking in the empty room in awe.

Rachel disappeared into the back room and came back balancing a few canvases and small ceramic animals in her arms, "This is an art studio among other things. You know, painting, developing pictures, sculpting.. But today, we're going to paint something for each other. Usually they have art classes in here on weekdays but I paid the owners to let me have a private painting session today. Well almost private. Their daughter is watching over the shop in case anything happens."

Quinn rolled her eyes at Rachel trying to balance everything and helped her. They both chose to paint different ceramic animals. Rachel chose a lamb and Quinn chose a little bird.

"So why'd you choose a lamb?" Quinn asked while eyeing it suspiciously.

Rachel turned red while answering, "It reminded me of you. A lamb seems to fit you well but something tells me a lion could also fit given the right circumstances."

Quinn blushed and gestured toward her ceramic animal, "I chose a bird for you. Mostly because of your voice. A song bird seems fit for you."

They quietly painted, being too nervous to say anything more. After a few minutes of concentrating on her own piece, Rachel looked up to see Quinn's tongue sticking out the side of her mouth while she concentrated on panting the tiny crevices on the bird. She kept watching until Quinn noticed her staring and quickly looked away. Once they were done, they set the animals aside to dry.

They sat down at one of the tables that wasn't covered in paint or clay and ate some food that Rachel brought for them. Once Quinn washed down her food with some water, she struck up a conversation she thought would be okay for a date.

"You're the only person I hang out with at school besides Puck but I feel like I know nothing about you."

"What is there to know? I'm Rachel Berry. I love gold stars, singing, and that bird you painted for me." Rachel said in such a matter of fact tone that it made Quinn blush.

"Yeah, but you seem like you know a lot more about me."

Rachel got noticeably nervous and tried keeping the conversation light, "Well.. I've just noticed you around more than you noticed me."

"Sorry it's just that, people don't usually notice me. It's hard to imagine that I wasn't completely invisible. Of course I remember when I first noticed you. It was the first time I heard your voice. It was the most beautiful sound I heard.

Rachel bit her lip to hide her smile and tried to turn away, "Maybe I noticed you because I haven't lived here for long. Everything was fresh for me. I moved here when I was 14 when my dads adopted me. My mother was.. dedicated to her work and my biological dad wasn't much of a father. I actually can't remember much before my dads came into my life."

Quinn started to notice Rachel getting uncomfortable and tried changing subjects, "So a lamb and a lion? How could you relate the two most opposite things to me?"

"Well you remind me of a lion because of back when you used to cheer. You were fearless while the school watched you. But you remind me of a lamb because I can see an innocence in you."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Of course," Rachel said definitely, "Innocence is this incorruptible place that can't be altered or touched by anyone. It can't be gained but it can be lost. I think you have something special in you that people lose after a while. Does that make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense." Quinn said as she blushed. "I bet you do this with all the girls your interested in."

"Do what?"

"Swoon them. Make them feel like the only girl in the world."

Rachel smiled, "Is that how I make you feel?"

"I'm sure you get this all the time but yes."

"Quinn.. What do you see us as?"

"I see us as friends.. Close friends but not in the sense as people usually use."

Rachel nodded and kept herself from seeming as lovesick as she was, "How do you think I see you?"

Quinn stopped to think for a few seconds before answering, "You're nice to me and that seems to be a bit of a stretch for people to be lately. I like you and I'm sure you like me back but Puck said you like a challenge so I'm not sure. I think you want to be more than friends but I'm fine with settling as just friends if that's what you want."

"Why are you fine with settling?"

"Because I don't think I can force something on you that you don't want. I didn't even know I liked girls until you showed that you were interested in me. I don't think I ever had the chance to think about it until you. I know that you've been with other girls and my lack of experience could scare you away."

Rachel grabbed her hand and closed her eyes to concentrate on what she was saying, "I really like you Quinn. More than I liked those other girls. I don't usually take girls on dates so this is a first for me. But just because I've been with other women doesn't mean I expect something more from you. I wouldn't want you to feel pressured or anything. When I kissed you the other day it was out of pure excitement. I know I invaded your space and I almost died once I-"

Quinn shook her head and shushed her before leaning in to kiss Rachel lightly on the lips, "I didn't mind the kiss. It was nice. Like I said, I don't mind being friends but I like the idea of being more than that."

They stayed lingering around each other's lips for a while until she finally let out a shaky breath and smiled, "I really like you."

"I really like you as well."

Rachel noticed the time and started packing everything up to leave. she carefully placed the two ceramic animals in her bag and led Quinn to the car. Puck was already in the parking lot waiting for them to leave.

When they arrived in front of Quinn's house, she turned to give Rachel another light kiss and whispered thank you.

"We're not done having that conversation by the way.. It's just put on pause for now okay?"

Quinn blushed before nodding and exiting the car. Puck waved at her as he watched her head into her house. She's sure she heard him do a whipping sound to Rachel and confirmed it in her head when she heard him yelp in pain.

Quinn closed the door behind her and saw her father waiting in the living room. Her body seized up as she looked at him.

"Studying? Is that what they call it now a days? People talk in this town Lucy and recently they've been talking about how my daughter hangs out with the local loser Noah Puckerman and the fag's daughter. Is that true?"

She nodded her head and jumped once she heard the glass from her father's hand shatter against the wall. He pointed at the broken glass and looked at her, "This is the shit you make me do when I'm lied to and find out my daughter is a whore."

"It's nothing like that daddy."

Russel's hand whipped Quinn's face fast and hard, making her cheek pound in sync with her heart.

She cradled her eye as he kept speaking, "I should've known you've been fucking that _loser_ with the way you prance around here like some dirty whore in love."

Now, something changed in her at this moment. Maybe it was the fact that she just came back from being with the two people who made her feel worth something or maybe something snapped inside of her. It could've been the lack of self medication that day or the way he ridiculed the people she's cared most about lately.

But none of that mattered at this particular moment because for the first time in 6 years, she wasn't afraid of him. She was angry, "I'm not in love with _Puck_. I'm in love with _Rachel_."

Russel's voice lowered into a venomous whisper after the initial shock wore off, "What did you just say?"

Quinn felt shaky but only from the pure adrenaline that ran through her veins. She looked him in the eye for once and felt brave, "Once mom left all I believed I was worth was your punching bag and memory of _her_! But Rachel and Puck care about me. They _care_. And having at least one person in this fucking world make me feel _worth_ something makes me want breathe after everything you do to me night after night. I'm leaving this house to get away from you and this game of pretend you have me trapped in."

There was a sound of the door being opened right after she said that but both were too distracted with each other to notice or care.

"How _dare_ you speak to me this way. I'm gonna finally make you realize the pain you caused for this family."

Russel threw her on the ground hard and when his hand wound back to hit her, Puck appeared out of nowhere and put him in a headlock, "Don't you fucking touch her."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry I've been a bit MIA with this. I'm working on my other fic I Wish that I hope you'll check out after reading this. It's quite the opposite of this story. Gotta thank my beta for this one. She's awesome.**

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Puck almost used his body as a shield for Quinn as he tried lifting her up but Russel soon grabbed him while trying to take a swing. Puck hit him hard in his gut before he could make contact.

Russel almost laughed as he watched Puck help his daughter, "What are you gonna do? Threaten me? Sue me? You wouldn't win. She's still mine and all you are is a piece of shit loser."

"You're probably right but my friend Leroy is pretty great at these sort of things. Quinn is almost 18 Russel. She can do what she wants soon enough. You don't want to tarnish your whole career from this do you?" Puck then turned to Quinn and only spoke in a soft whisper, "I want you to go get your things and then I'll take you away from here alright? Just like I promised."

Russel watched Quinn go to her room and do as Puck said, "The hell she is, boy. She's not going anywhere."

"What are you going to do? It makes me fucking sick what you're doing to her. I won't ever let you near her again."

"I'll have you killed. Do you understand?"

Before Puck could answer, Quinn came out with her bag and signaled for them to go. Puck ignored Russel as he guided her out to his car. Once he was driving away he turned to Quinn to see she was shaking and almost in shock.

"Are you alright?"

She just stared out the window so he continued talking, "I didn't plan on that happening. You left your phone in the car so I was going to leave it on the porch. When I heard you screaming at him and a huge thump I didn't know what to think."

Quinn still didn't answer. She had no idea where she was going or what was going to happen to her. She didn't see herself free from her father. She felt like he was going to steal her throughout the night and that he'd stop at nothing until she's back in his grasp. Puck pulled up to a house a few minutes later and opened Quinn's door while picking up her bags. She had forgotten Rachel was in the car until she jumped out from the back and walked up the door.

When they walked up to the house Puck stopped Quinn at the porch, "Look, you might hate me in a few seconds but just know that you're like my little sister and I'd do anything to protect you."

An older man opened the door and Quinn looked past him to see Rachel walk in and hug the other man walking down the stairs. She looked at Matt she stood on and saw Berry Residence engraved. Before Quinn could turn and run, Puck grabbed on to her hand and held it firmly to her side.

"Hi Puck and.."

"Leroy, this is Quinn. Things didn't go as planned obviously... I'm hoping you have that room available now."

Puck led Quinn into the house and set her things by the door. He sat her down at the table and sat next to her. Leroy took a seat in front of Quinn while Rachel sat on the other side of Puck and the other man sat next to Leroy.

"Hi Quinn. I'm Leroy and this is my husband Hiram. Obviously there's been a huge change in plans but just know that you're never alone in this world. Everyone in this room cares about you so much."

Quinn kept her eyes on the table while her head throbbed, "How long have you known?"

She didn't address Rachel directly but everyone felt she should be the one to answer so they all stood quiet.

There was a pause before she answered, "A while now."

Quinn took a deep breath and looked at Leroy for the first time since they sat down, "So what happens now? Why am I here?"

"You'll be staying with us until you feel like you can support yourself. We won't rush you to move out at any time and we really hope that you'll be comfortable living here. This home will always be here for you."

Even though her head was pounding from the screaming in her head, her voice never wavered, "I really am thankful Mr. Berry but I'm exhausted and just need a tonight to myself."

"Of course. I'll show you to your room."

Quinn left the table and followed Leroy to her new bedroom. She sat down on her bed and heard Puck come in the room. He put her things down by the nightstand while she whispered, "I can't believe you told her. You said I could trust you and I believed it."

"I didn't, I swear. She already knew. It's not like we don't have stories of our own. Just give her a chance to explain. Things haven't been good for you in a long time Q and we just want to help you."

"Did you believe my father when he said he'd kill you? Because I did. I'm a perfect example of what he does when he gets angry. This is why I can't have people close to me. Things get messy."

"You're my family Q. I don't leave my family to fend for themselves."

Puck left the room without saying another word and a few minutes later there was a timid knock on the door, "Quinn?"

"Go ahead and come in Rachel. It's your house."

Rachel sat down next to her and reach for her hand to hold only to have Quinn yank it away. She stared at the wall in front of her as Rachel sat there quietly.

"How did you find out?" Quinn said no louder than a whisper.

"When I first noticed you, I would search for you throughout the crowd at school.. Eventually I had to look harder because you started going in the corner of the room trying to not be noticed. But I noticed you. I noticed the way you tried so hard not to limp or wince. I've known since it started."

"How could you have known but everyone else just be oblivious to it?"

Rachel got up and started pacing around the room, "You're not the only one with a past Quinn. The reason why _I'm_ adopted is almost the same reason you're here in this house except I didn't have a father. I had a mother who wasn't afraid to take out her anger at me for ruining her dreams. You're lucky that you never got ripped away from your home and friends. I got taken away by social services. They told me it was for the best and stuck me in a few homes. I hated everyone so much and didn't know why this was happening to me. But, one day I got assigned to Leroy and was adopted by him and Hiram shortly after that. They taught me how to chase after my dreams and never gave up on me. I could see someone who was hurt like me from a mile away."

"And Puck?"

"My dad helped Puck and his Mom move here. I consider him my brother with how much we're around each other."

"So you guys played me."

Rachel tripped over her words at the thought of hurting Quinn, "No no no it was never like that. I wanted to protect you and tried the best I could to do that."

"I've been lied to and fucked with like some sort of toy. Who else knows? Does Santana and Brittany know too? Did you decide that everyone has to know my big fucked up secret?"

"Of course not! Quinn, we're just trying to help."

Quinn hid her face in her hands and grunted as the screaming in her head grew louder, "I can't do this! I can't. I'm sorry but can you please leave me alone."

"Okay, I'll go then. I didn't want this to be so messy. I care about you Quinn.. Maybe more than you can realize right now."

Once Rachel left, Quinn felt herself panic. Her chest hurt as if something was restricting her breathing and she just wanted to scream along with the voice in her head. She pulled her hair as hard as she could while rocking back and forth on the bed. Everybody knew. They all knew her filthy secret. The pain didn't feel like it would stop. Everything was so blurry and dizzying around her.

_It can go away..._

"It can go away." She repeated to herself as she fumbled through her pockets.

"It can go away. It can go away."

_It won't hurt anymore.. you can make it disappear_

Quinn kept repeating what the voice in her head said as she swallowed a few more pills than she should have, "It won't hurt. Make it go away. Just make it go away."

She kept hitting her head with the palms of her hand as she kept rocking back and forth. The pain in her chest disappeared after a few minutes and the tears she didn't know were falling down her cheeks stopped. But that didn't stop the voice from talking. It didn't stop no matter how much she begged.

"Go away.. Go away.. Please. I did it just please go away."

After the pills kicked in, the voice muted but she could still feel it. It was like silencing a television but still being able to see the screen on. She could feel the amusement the voice felt once the pills worked it's way to her head but for the moment, it was enough. It was enough for her.

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**A/N: Review please :)**


	10. Chapter 10

_"So beautiful.."_

Quinn heard it. He was in the room with her. She woke up to her wrists being held down and felt a scream build up in her throat but something felt different. The hands weren't forceful.

"Calm down Quinn. It's okay."

She felt her breathing increase as she pushed the body away from her, "It's not okay. He's coming. He's coming for me-"

"No ones coming, I promise."

Everything was a blur. All Quinn knew was that she was breathing. In and out. That's all she really needed to know. The voice that was once so loud in her head stayed quiet as if it were hiding.

The room came into focus as Quinn locked her eyes on Rachel. It was still night.

"What happened?"

"I came to check on you and it looked like you were having a nightmare. When I tried waking you up you had a bad reaction.. Are you alright?"

Quinn turned to the clock by the bed, "It's past midnight."

"Yes."

She took a deep breath and said the first thing that came to her mind, "Vanilla."

"What?"

"I smell vanilla."

Rachel didn't know the relevance of what Quinn smelled but it didn't matter. All Quinn could think of was that she was safe. There was no whiskey in the air or expensive cigars. It was absent for once and it helped her breathe. Vanilla filled her lungs and her heart rate slowed with each breath she took.

"Can you stay with me... please."

It surprised Rachel since not even a few hours ago Quinn felt betrayed and couldn't even be in the same room as her. But she stayed, carefully climbing into the bed and laying down behind Quinn. She ran her fingers down Quinn's arm and locked fingers with her.

"Rachel?"

"Hm?"

"Just because I'm angry with you and feel utterly betrayed doesn't mean I didn't enjoy that date we had earlier. It was nice.. Nice enough to make me brave for once. "

"I'm confused-"

"It means I didn't just stop liking you. Things are complicated but just promise me, no more secrets okay?"

Rachel nodded and let Quinn fall asleep. If Quinn didn't want anything hidden, Rachel would do more than have it all lay out on the table.

When Quinn opened her eyes, she took in the sun that flooded the room beautifully. Everything felt like a dream and that it'd disappear with the slightest touch. She slowly got up and went downstairs to see the Berrys sitting around the table having breakfast. She was about to turn back around when she heard her name being called.

"Hey Quinn, we saved a seat for you."

She walked to the table with hesitation and sat by Rachel.

"So, what are your plans for today girls?"

"We're going to Pucks later and should be home around dusk."

"We are?" Quinn asked with her eyebrow raised.

Rachel nodded and smiled at her fathers who seemed entertained at their daughter planning Quinn's day.

She looked at the time and started getting up from her seat, "I should start getting ready now if we want to get there by noon."

"It's only eight-"

"I have a tight schedule for my morning rituals."

As Rachel left, Quinn looked awkwardly between LeRoy and Hiram, "Thanks for letting me stay here. I really appreciate-"

"You don't have to be formal with us Quinn.. You were part of this family before you even knew it. Now, with our Rachel we should be doing that 'don't hurt our little girl' speech. We don't think you will though. But as long as you're underage, we have to ask to keep the door open if you'll be having more sleep overs."

She nodded and they ate breakfast together in peace. She wouldn't tell them how she thought her father could come any day, maybe any minute, to collect her. She let the feeling pass and suppressed the voice that tried to lure her to the handful of pills in her room. When it came to be near noon, she finally decided to tame her hair that stuck out in all directions and put on some fresh clothes. It took her 15 minutes flat to get ready and leaned by Rachel's door while waiting for her.

Rachel came out as if she were in a rush and grabbed Quinn's wrist to pull her along, "We're late."

"No, you're late. Seriously, it took you 4 hours to get ready?"

"Well I couldn't decide on what to wear." Rachel said as if it were obvious.

Quinn walked with her to the door and huffed, "You're wearing what you usually wear."

"If you're really gonna insult me on what I chose, maybe I should change."

"No, you said we're already late-"

LeRoy loudly addressed his husband while gesturing towards the girls, "This is what I was talking about with the struggle of new couples moving in too soon."

"We're not a couple" Rachel and Quinn practically said at the same time.

They both blushed while her dads looked like they weren't convinced as they smiled at each other.

Rachel crossed her arms and walked out of the house, "We'll be home before it gets dark."

Quinn followed behind her and tried to keep up with her short but fast strides, "Why are you still trying to be mad?"

"I'm not mad, I'm frustrated."

"At what? I only said you're wearing what you usually wear. I never said it looked bad or anything."

"Well-"

Quinn rolled her eyes as Rachel finally slowed down her pace, "You're impossible."

"I wasn't trying to argue, I was going to say that maybe I'm just nervous."

"Over what?"

Rachel mumbled out of embarrassment, "Not keeping anymore secrets.."

Before Quinn could ask what she meant they were already walking in Puck's house. They went down to the basement where he was playing one of his video games.

He didn't notice them enter the room as he talked through his head set, "It's not like you're even considered a dude Finn, you got the smallest dick-"

Rachel cleared her throat and pulled the plug on the video game console. Puck practically jumped up, "Hey! I was on a twelve-hour streak!"

"Noah, we're here for a serious talk, not to watch you shooting at people."

Puck looked at Quinn and nodded, "I know.. You still mad?"

"Some what. I feel better than I did last night." Quinn said.

Rachel took both of their hands into her own, "Quinn made me promise not to keep secrets anymore. I think it's a fair enough request don't you? We're all here for each other so that should mean laying it all out on the table."

Puck sat down in his bean bag again, "Okay.. Should we start with me or you?"

"You can go. I'm hardly a story."

Quinn looked at them both while scrunching her nose, "Story?"

"How we met, what happened to us.. Why we're like you." Puck said.

"I know your story though.."

"Not all of it. I only told you need to know stuff. You know that my dad used to drink. Trust me, our dads could've gone bowling together if he had a bit of money like yours.."

_Puck was in his room for the third day in a row without leaving. He liked hoarding in there to stay out of his father's way but being just close enough to listen if his mom needed him. Usually there was no need for him during the day but he couldn't stand being anywhere in his house but his room. He quickly stood up when he heard the front door slam shut._

_"You've been drinking-"_

_He heard silence and ran downstairs to find his father standing over his mom, "Don't touch her!"_

_"And what are you gonna do about it?"_

_Puck tackled him and brought him to the floor. His mother screamed for them to stop as his father scrambled on top of him and continued hitting him and kicking his ribs. His mother got thrown back a few times for trying to come between them. Eventually His father stopped and turned to his mother. Puck's face was an utter wreck and there wasn't a spot that wasn't bloody or bruise b__ut he saw his dad still try to pursue his mom and didn't let his mangled face or ribs bother him just yet. He got back up and grabbed the lamp. He whipped out the chord from the socket and choked his father from behind until his mother stopped him._

_"You don't need to go to jail because of him."_

_"He was going to hurt you! He deserves to die!"_

_"If you're my son, you'll never think like that again. My son doesn't try to kill people, even if they deserve it. Never. Understand?"_

_Puck nodded and let his mom call the cops for the first time._

"I think she called the cops because even though she told me not to kill him, she could see in my eyes that I wanted to. I would have." He snapped out of his reverie and really looked at Quinn, "Just like I would've killed your dad. If I didn't hear my mom's voice in my head, I would've done it with my bear hands."

"I don't think you would've, not in front of Quinn" Rachel said. She cleared her throat and turned to Quinn, "Now personally, things for me were different. My mom wasn't a drunk. She knew what she was doing. Well you see, she's an actress. Her first priorities were acting. She'd always tell me that I was lucky that she chose to keep me. But if she ever had an audition or a call back when I was younger, she'd leave me with just about anyone who would take me in. Many different men would be at my house and.." Rachel cleared her throat again and shook her head, "It doesn't matter but obviously everything has a breaking point."

_Rachel's mom came back from another audition gone wrong. She saw 13 year old Rachel curled up on the beaten couch with her chin resting on her knee. The regular stranger that watched her seemed to be fixing his pants as he walked out of the apartment. Once again, Shelby acted like there wasn't a musty smell in the air or that Rachel's shirt looked a bit untidy. _

_After a few minutes of silence Shelby spoke up, "My audition went terrible. Thanks for asking my perfect little girl."_

_Rachel scoffed, "I wonder why. Was it the fact that you're still aiming for young roles or that you always do too much?"_

_"__You think that you've got it all figured out. __You really think you know how it works out there? I can hear you sing those stupid Barbra songs as if you've got a voice. You're nothing special."_

_"Is that the same thing they told you after your audition?"_

_Shelby strode over to Rachel and smacked her across the face, "Never talk to me like this again."_

_Rachel then got up without saying a word and left the apartment without looking back._

"I stayed at a friends until their parent's started getting suspicious. That's when they called child services and it took a few months before I got assigned to my dad. I told him she didn't want me back and a few days later she signed the papers to confirm it."

All three of them had a shameful glint in their eyes but they didn't look away from each other. They felt closer to each other after Rachel and Puck told their story but nothing was said of the connection they felt grow stronger.

"How'd you become the overly bossy and loud Rachel Berry then?" Quinn said with a bit of teasing in her voice.

"If there's one thing I'm good at, it's singing. Give me any stage and I'll blow anyone out of the water. Just knowing that, I have hope and it gives me confidence."

They sat there bonding while Quinn's little friend in her head tried catching her attention. She ignored it thinking that it'd eventually just go away. She was away from her dad so she didn't need the pills right?


	11. Chapter 11

Hiram sat down after serving everyone breakfast, "So it's almost your birthday.. Have you thought about what you want?"

Quinn swallowed her food slowly before answering, "I think.. I want to see my mom." Everyone stood quiet as they digested what she said. "I mean, if that's okay with you guys."

"Of course it is but are you sure you're ready?"

"There are things I need answers to." Quinn looked between LeRoy and Hiram, "Can you guys help me find her?"

They both nodded and gave her encouraging smiles, "We'll do what we can today and let you know what we come up with."

It was hard for Quinn to digest the hopeful feeling stirring inside her. The voice in her head was screaming at her nonstop now. She hasn't fed into its needs and it's showing. There were dark circles around her eyes from not sleeping and she lost a bit of weight from not eating. Nothing stayed down and her eyes didn't stay closed for more than a few minutes. Her body rejected anything good. She repeated the same words to herself as the voice screamed back.

"I don't need it, I don't need it, I don't need it."

_We need it. You're no better out here than in that house!_

All day at school her hands were practically vibrating from trying to keep herself away from the white pills in her bag. She finally gave up trying to take notes and excused herself to the bathroom. She felt fragile and weak to her bones as she walked down the hallway.

"I can't. Please don't make me. Daddy isn't here anymore. We're safe..."

_But he will be. He's never going away. We both know that._

Quinn locked herself in the girls bathroom and fumbled for the pills. Her breathing picked up as her heart pounded all over her body.

"one, two, three, four.."

_That's right. Count.. There aren't many left. _

"Just make it go away." Quinn whispered to herself, "Make everything go away."

She swallowed the pills dry and closed her eyes. She just needed whatever was in her head to shut up. She needed the worry and the pain to go away. Everything needed to stop.

Quinn walked out of the stall and splashed cold water from the sink on her neck, "It's my mom. Once that's out of the way, everything else will disappear."

The eyes in the mirror told a different story. The eyes that stared back at her told her she was never coming out of this hole. Everything was being sucked in it and nothing could stop it.

When glee came, Rachel and Puck mistook the worry on her face for what was to come once they got home.

"If you don't want my dads to tell you what they found, it's okay. We'll understand if you're not ready."

Quinn leaned her forehead against Rachel's, "Of course I'm not ready but I need this."

"If you guys are done making out," Puck said with playful sarcasm. Rachel quickly punched his arm without lifting her forehead from Quinn. "Ow! Gosh, a guy makes ONE joke..."

Santana and Brittany awkwardly walked in without making eye contact with Quinn but somehow were always being right in front of her. It's been that way since the fight and Quinn could see that they were waiting for her to break down and tell them what her 'big secret' was.

Once everyone sat down, they stood in front of them while Santana talked, "So Brits and I decided to contribute to this stupid group by singing a song... Brittany picked it."

Sam stood up and grabbed the guitar off the stand before joining them and playing a playful tune. Santana sang the first half with her raspy vocals.

_Can't you see that it's just raining, a__in't no need to go outside_  
_But Baby, You hardly even notice, w__hen I try to show you this_  
_Song is meant to keep ya f__rom doing what your supposed to_  
_Like waking up too early, __Maybe we can sleep in_  
_I'll make you banana pancakes, __Pretend like it's the weekend now_

_And we could pretend it all the time_  
_Cant you see that it's just raining, __Aint no need to go outside_

_But just maybe, hala ka ukulele_  
_Mommy made a baby_  
_Really don't mind the practice __Cause your my little lady_  
_Lady lady-love me __Cause I love to lay here lazy_  
_We could close the curtains, __Pretend like there's no world outside_

_And we could pretend it all the time_  
_Can't you see that it's just raining_  
_Ain't no need to go outside_  
_Ain't no need aint no need Mmmm MMmmm_  
_Can't you see can't you see_  
_Rain all day __And I don't mind._

Brittany took the rest of the song with ease and even though their vocals were different it melded together perfectly.

_The telephone is singing, ringing__ it's too early_  
_Don't pick it up_, w_e don't need to we got everything_  
_We need right here a__nd everything we need is enough_  
_Just so easy w__hen the whole world fits inside of your arms_  
_Don't really need to pay attention to the alarm_  
_Wake up slow, yeah wake up slow_  
_You hardly even notice w__hen I try to show you this_  
_Song is meant to keep ya f__rom doing what your supposed to_  
_Like waking up too early_, _maybe we can sleep in_  
_I'll make you banana pancakes, __pretend like it's the weekend now_

_And we could pretend it all the time_  
_Can't you see that it's just raining, __Ain't no need to go outside_  
_Can't you see can't you see, __You gotta wake up slow_

Brittany walked in front of Quinn and looked like she was struggling to keep her hands to her sides, "We understand if there are things you can't tell us... We just wanna forget about all that drama and do something fun. Like making banana pancakes."

Quinn stood up and tightly wrapped her arms around Brittany, "That was perfect Brit."

After a few seconds she let go and walked over to Santana with her arms open, "I'm sorry."

Santana shrugged before giving her a light hug and returning to her seat.

Quinn wanted to feel relief. Like some of the pain in her life disappeared but nothing felt different. She still felt weight in her chest and numb thoughts. She supposed she felt happy. There was happiness but it felt like she was watching someone else feel happy.

After glee ended, Santana and Brittany hung around to talk to her.

"So can you forgive us for ruining everything?" Santana said as Brittany hugged her from behind.

"I wish I could just tell you guys but with everything going on.. It's best if I let things settle before the entire school knows."

"We know that you moved into Rachel's.. Does it have to do with that?"

Quinn nodded as Santana seemed like she realized something, "We didn't think about what your dad would do if he found out about Rachel.. We know how religious he could be. Hopefully he'll let you move back in with him when he isn't mad anymore."

Quinn nodded again and watched them walk away. She supposed that could've been the case sooner or later. She wondered how long it would've been before her father realized there a heathen and a sinner living under his roof. He would've made sure she was cleansed of thoughts like that one way or another. Quinn snapped out of her train of thought and felt her hands balled up in to fists. That wasn't the first time she was brought back to her father's punishments and certainly wouldn't be the last.

She met Puck and Rachel in the parking lot and felt the bounce in her step disappear as she got in the car. A wave of nausea passed through her as Puck dropped them off so she fumbled through her bag but felt nothing when searching for her pills.

"One? how many did I take?" Quinn whispered to herself.

She walked in the door with Rachel to see Hiram waiting for them, "LeRoy found her.. She lives alone as far as the government knows, about 2 hours away from here."

"That's really close." Quinn said in a whisper.

"We can all drive down there if you want?" Rachel said as she slid her hand into Quinn's.

Quinn nodded while chewing on her bottom lip. Rachel's parents looked at each other before leaving them alone to talk.

"You don't seem that thrilled to find her."

"Honestly, I didn't think it'd be that easy. She was just out in the open. No secrets or anything." Quinn said while sitting down.

Rachel sat down next to her without breaking contact with her hand, "Well, my dad is extremely good at his job.. Maybe he's just being modest with how hard it was to find her."

"It's only been a few hours and he found her. You'd think it'd take a few days but no, just type her name in the system and there she is, right in my reach all this time."

"We won't do anything you don't want to Quinn. We're here for you and most importantly _I'm_ here for you."

"How is that most important?"

"Because I'm your girlfriend."

Quinn rose her eyebrow and smiled, "Did you come to that conclusion by yourself?"

"I just thought you don't want to see anybody else and neither do I so it's only logical."

"Logical."

"Of course." Rachel said with a smile. "Now if I remember correctly, you kissed me the other day. I think it's my turn to be chivalrous."

Rachel's lips pressed against Quinn's softly and her tongue carefully stroked her lip asking for entrance. Quinn abided and parted her lips. They didn't kiss for more than a few seconds but it made both of them dizzy from how good it felt.

Quinn kept awake at night by trying to imagine what her mom would be like when they reunited. Would she refuse to talk to her? Would she turn away from her and never look back like she did so many years ago?

Quinn felt herself panic. Her body practically sprung from the bed as she snatched her school bag, "One.. Just one."

Her hands fumbled with the pill as she tried reasoning with herself, "I only need one.. To relax."

_Make it go away._

She swallowed the pill and felt the panic subside as her thoughts muddled together. She fell asleep until she heard Rachel sneak into her room a little past midnight.

"You know the rules Rach. We can't be sleeping in the same room."

Rachel snuggled into her side, "Shhhh, It's your birthday and now we can be together as much as we want."

Quinn had forgotten about her birthday and quickly turned around to face Rachel, "I'm 18."

"Happy birthday." Rachel said before pecking her nose.

Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head, "Finally."

"So what do you want to do today?"

She bit her lip before answering, "See my mom."


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning came at a blink of an eye. Quinn figured she must have dozed off with Rachel softly running her hand up and down her side.

Rachel's dads came into the room while dramatically covering their eyes, "Please tell me you're both clothed."

"You guys are fine, we didn't fornicate last night." Rachel sighed out playfully.

They both uncovered their eyes and presented Quinn a cupcake with a lit candle.

"We figured you didn't want a huge celebration but just in case you do, we have a cake and ready to go streamers."

Quinn smiled at both of them before blowing out her candle and retrieving her cupcake, "It's perfect, Thank you. I was thinking that I should go see my mom today."

Hiram and LeRoy exchanged looks before nodding, "If that's really what you want.. We'll give you our car for the day to drive out there."

They left the room with reassuring smiles and let Rachel talk to Quinn, "Are you sure about this?"

"I know where she is, what's wrong with wanting to go see her? You and your dads eyed me like I'm ready to explode."

Rachel sighed and propped her head with her arm, "We're worried about you.."

"What do you mean?"

"You've only been showing what a relief all of this is but that fades away soon enough. Then it's all rage and hurt. My dads know all about that because that's all I was for a long time."

"You don't think I feel rage every second of every day? That's all I'm able to feel. But I'm also grateful for you, Puck, and your dads."

Quinn wouldn't dare to mention the self medicating and how it was the only thing helping her survive anything that's happened.

"I know this turned into a big day for you and I want to be there for every second of it... If you want me to be, I mean."

Quinn turned around, "Of course I want you with me. Why would you think otherwise?"

"Because I know I would want to be alone if I were to go search for my mom. But Puck and I will be there for you if that's what you want."

"Like always." Quinn said with a smile. She leaned down and brushed her nose against Rachel's neck up until it found her lips, "I'm happy you're with me."

Rachel felt Quinn's tongue slowly brush against her lower lip and allowed her to slowly flick her tongue to the tip of her own.

Quinn didn't know what exactly she was doing. She didn't want to think about her actions and just wanted it to come naturally but threats of her Father flashed behind her eyes. Rachel started kissing down her neck and Quinn could almost taste the expensive whiskey in the air.

She softly pushed Rachel away, "I'm sorry."

"What's wrong?"

"It's not you.. Look I really want to, with you. I don't think there's anything I want more but every time I feel pleasure, it's backed up with the smell of him and..."

"And?"

Quinn's silence was enough for Rachel to understand everything.

Rachel cuddled Quinn from behind, "Never be ashamed to tell me when you're uncomfortable. Out of all people, I think I understand the most." Rachel took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "When I first left my mom, I couldn't think of anything but those men coming into my home. I didn't want to be touched by anyone." She opened her eyes and ran her fingers down the side of Quinn's neck, "Don't feel like you have to push yourself. I can wait as long as it takes."

While Puck loaded the car, Hiram and LeRoy called Quinn to sit down with them in the living room. LeRoy cleared his throat while carefully wording what he was saying, "Before you go, we have something to discuss with you. We wouldn't feel comfortable with you leaving the next day or two without us telling you this." LeRoy paused and looked at Hiram before continuing, "Your father has been most... adamant with trying to threaten our family and Puck's. Not straight forward but he's is a powerful man and has used other resources to try to get to you."

Quinn looked at both of them as if it wasn't a surprise, "I don't expect anything else from him. He doesn't take defeat very well."

"We didn't expect anything else from him either. You have nothing to be sorry for Quinn. You aren't responsible for his actions. We love you just the same and we wouldn't want you to feel guilty. But we want you to know that if he's been watching us closely, he'll know you've gone to see your mom."

She shrugged and stood up, "Okay, is that all?"

They both nodded as she smoothed out her dress and tried not to show how high her anxiety rose. Her heart rate picked up as she realized she wouldn't have any help today. Everything she felt was raw and vibrant. When she looked around she noticed her eyes felt weak and came in to retrieve her bag as she excused herself, "I'll be right back."

She went to the bathroom and looked through their medicine cabinets in a jittery rush, "Asprin.. Pepto.. Perfume.. Come on.."

She examined a few pharmaceutical bottles before giving up. She sunk to the floor and tried thinking, "None in my bag, none in my pockets.."

Rachel's voice came in through the door, "Quinn, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just.. needed to freshen up."

Quinn got up and headed out the bathroom with Puck acting like he was examining her outfit before hugging her, "Classic sun dress. But cardigan-less today I see." He looked at his watch before turning to get her overnight bag for her, "We better hurry if we're ever gonna make it there in time though."

Rachel's dads took her aside to give her a lecture about being a safe driver and to return safely. Everything after that was a blur. Quinn felt like everything happened really fast and before she knew it, she was already half way to her mom's place. She felt her body go through vague hot flashes as her hands shook.

"Are you okay Quinn? We can pull over if you'd like?"

She took a deep breath and balled her hands in tight fists, "No, keep going. I'm just sorta car sick."

Quinn looked to the side and noticed Puck's bag. She carefully unzipped the side pocket without catching their attention and took out an orange bottle. She didn't even look at the label and swallowed two pills before sticking it back in the bag. She felt like she was gonna explode any moment.

She rolled her eyes at her friends as they continued to argue about stopping for her. She leaned forward to whisper in Rachel's ear, "If you guys are done arguing like an old married couple, I'd like to say that I'm completely fine. It's just car sickness. It's been a long ride."

"Well we're almost there." Rachel said in a less authoritative voice.

Quinn smiled and kissed Rachel's cheek before leaning back and dozing off. She didn't dream of anything. She mostly concentrated on the radio playing and the bickering that ensued now and then. She got woken up by everything falling silent and the engine being turned off.

"Quinn, we're a block away from her house. We need to know if you want to do this alone or with us."

"I still want you guys with me. You're like my support team."

Rachel and Puck nodded and started up the engine again. They slowed to a stop in front of a small white house with blue shutters and a tended garden. Quinn knew that this house could only belong to her mom. She remembered how she loved to garden and would carefully trim her plants and flowers. All of her gardening got destroyed the week after she left. Russel went on a rampage and pulled as much as he could out of the ground without falling over drunk.

Quinn quickly got out of her flashback and jumped out of the car. It felt like there was a film over her eyes and she couldn't decide if she was dreaming or if this was really happening. She walked up to the door and hesitantly knocked a few times. She felt her heart pound heavily every second the door didn't open.

Before she walked back to the car in defeat, a woman came out from the side of the house, "Hey, sorry I was busy cleaning up. Are you selling something or just coming for the company?"

She recognized the voice immediately, even in her foggy state. Quinn turned around and locked eyes with her mother. She knew her mom realized who she was immediately. She looked healthier than in Quinn's memories.

Judy's smile faltered slightly, "How'd you find me baby girl?"

"It was pretty easy. Easier than I would've thought."

Quinn blinked a few times to focus her eyes but it seemed like the sun was so bright that it hurt.

"I figured you'd come looking sooner or later." Judy said while nodding. She cocked her head towards her house, "Do you want to come in and talk?"

Quinn nodded in almost the same way and followed her inside. She looked around her mom's home and found it much different from her father's place. Everything had color and it felt like someone lived here and had life. It made her angry to the pit of her core. Quinn stood in front of her mom as she sat down. Her lips felt cracked as she continued chewing on them and her eyes felt like they were on fire. Her mind was racing in confusion as she tried clearing her thoughts.

_Need something.. What did I need again? I need it to go away. Make it go away._

"You're so beautiful Quinn. I haven't seen you in... a long time."

Quinn looked around the room and tried to make her hands stop shaking, "Well it wasn't my choice for that to happen."

Judy shifted on the couch and cleared her throat, "I had reason. I-I couldn't go back and get you."

Quinn felt her body slowly bloom with anger, "And you couldn't take me with you either. What made you think I could live without you in my life?"

"You don't understand-"

Quinn felt a pang in her chest. Did her mother really think nothing would happen when she left?

_Make it go away. Just make it go away._

She felt like ripping out her hair as she talked, "That's the thing that's killing me. I do understand. I understand perfectly and that's why I'm trying to figure out why you left me with him. Why would you leave me with him to fend for myself? I'm trying to make all this go away like you did."

Judy saw the same look in Quinn's eyes that she got herself when talking about Russel, "I wanted to take you with me."

"If you wanted to do something, you would've done it the day you left."

"I didn't know he would-"

Tears fell as her voice rose, "But you did. You had to have known what was going to happen. I've needed you the minute you left! You were so scared of what he would do if he had the slightest clue of what you were planning. You couldn't risk taking anyone else with you, like your own daughter. I waited every day for you until I realized that you weren't coming back. The day you left is the day he started treating me like _you_. Years have passed by and I come to find you in this cozy home, gardening, hardly hiding from him!"

"He loved you. I didn't think he would-"

Quinn felt like her mother wasn't owning up to anything and she didn't feel any different after confronting her. She went on a rampage of yelling and throwing anything she could, "_I want it to go **AWAY**_." She jabbed her finger to her temple while looking at her mother, "_It won't go away._"

She felt herself go from anger to sorrow. She felt her body get weak and her face get hot from the tears streaming down her face. Rachel and Puck ran in the house and watched Quinn cry in her mother's arms. Judy smiled apologetically and waved her hand for them to sit down.

* * *

It soon turned dark and Quinn woke up feeling nauseous and dizzy in a bed that definitely wasn't her own. She looked around and saw a frame on the bedside table with a young blonde girl in it. Quinn picked it up and realized it was herself before her mother left. It made her stomach turn sour. She barely remembered what it was like before her mother left. She just remembered it being happier than it was now. She quickly got up after feeling it lurch and ran towards the bathroom that was connected to the room she was in. She barely made it to the toilet as she threw up what seemed like water.

"It hasn't gone away." Quinn said to herself. "I thought it'd go away."

_Very stupid girl..._

"I'm away from him and I found her. What else is there? I don't need to.."

_You need the pills to make it go away._

"It's already gone! There's nothing left to make go away!"

_Then why do you still feel like you need it? You won't ever be happy without them._

Quinn coughed as her body tried throwing up again but nothing came up. She didn't want to believe that she needed the pills. They were just crutches. But it was a lot more than that and the small voice in her head knew it. She wiped the cold sweat from her forehead as she curled on the floor.

Puck stumbled in the room half asleep, "Are you okay Q? I can hear you puking from the other room." Once he saw her curled up on the floor with her muscles tightening her in a fetal position he yelled for Judy.

Judy ran in and took in the scene in front of her as Rachel stumbled in after her. Quinn pulled on her hair while digging her nails into her scalp, "I'm stuck."

"Stuck? What are you talking about?"

Quinn shook her head, "Please. I need it to go away and it won't."

Judy bent down on her knees and grabbed Quinn's face to look at her, "I'm so sorry it ended up like this Quinn. You have to know that if I could change anything in my life, it would be taking you with me instead of leaving you alone with your father. So how long has this been going on?"

Quinn covered her ears and dug her finger nails into her head, "This is _your_ fault."

"How long?" Judy said as she turned to Puck and Rachel.

"How long what?" Puck said in a sharp tone.

"How long has she been an addict for?"

The voice in Quinn's head lashed out violently as she dug her nails harder into her scalp.

"Puck had to give her pills to deal with her father but it was only as needed.. She's not _addicted_ or anything right?" Rachel said in confusion and alarm.

Judy scoffed as she cradled Quinn in her arms, "She's shaking as if it's freezing in here, her mouth seems dry.. How long has this been under your nose? You don't think I drank all the time to deal with Russel? She's my daughter, I know when there's something wrong with her. Why would you give her pills?"

Puck spoke up quietly, "She needed them. Her ribs would be fractured and she'd get bruises everywhere below her neck. Sometimes on her face depending.. I didn't think she had a problem. We thought Russel was the problem."

"We need to get her on the bed.. I'll stay with her tonight."

Puck lifted Quinn up and laid her on the bed gently before putting a trashcan near the bedside fetched a glass of water.

Judy held Quinn in her arms while talking to mostly herself, "I didn't know. I swear I didn't know it was this bad."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: This is the final chapter. I'm mixed about ending this story but I know it's for the best. I have a new story I've started call A Spark in the Night :) It's dark and humorous so check it out when you're done reading this :) Couldn't have made this ending what it is without my beta :)**

* * *

"My name's John and we're gonna start this week's meeting with the serenity prayer."

Quinn knew the prayer well but didn't participate. She stood quiet as they all chanted it as if they were in a cult. It repulsed her to be in the room. It smelled like stale cigarettes and the tables were worn with dirt etched in the scratches. Most of the people who attended these meetings were either men who looked like they attended wood stock or people who seemed as if they were only there by court order.

"Okay, do any newcomers want to introduce themselves?" Quinn once again stayed quiet and disregarded the eyes that fell on her. "How about you pretty girl? Are you ready to introduce yourself?"

She grimaced and took a deep breath, "I'm Quinn."

They all waited for her to continue. They expected her to say she was an addict or an alcoholic. That was the first step to recovery, admitting you had a problem. When she didn't, they gave her a sympathetic smile and moved on. They did their usual reading of the twelve steps and verses from the bible. Eventually they moved on to sharing stories. The topic was regret and a silence fell for uncomfortable seconds as they looked around the room for someone to start.

"I guess I'll begin the discussion. I'm Nick, I'm an alcoholic." He paused as people greeted him. "I've been sober for two years now. I regret a lot of things in my life. When my addiction grew, my regrets got a lot bigger. I was a selfish prick who just wanted my drink and nothing else.."

"... My names Sonny and I'm a recovering addict. I regret losing my kids..."

When it came to a full circle to Quinn, John gave a warm smile, "Why don't you share some of your thoughts?"

"No, it's okay." She said with a false smile. She felt like everybody could see through it.

"You've been to two meetings so far and you don't have anything to share with us?"

She shrugged, "I just doubt I have anything worth saying that you guys would relate to."

"Give it a shot. We heard your name. What are you here for?"

"I'm here because I'm an addict like you guys." Quinn said as if it were obvious.

"What was your vice?"

She looked away and smiled to herself, "Anything that would make it go away."

"Make what go away?"

Yes, what exactly did Quinn's voice tell her to make go away? Was it physical pain? Or the pain her father pounded into her from years of abusing her?

"Everything."

People nodded as if she said something valid and it made her feel better to know that at least they were giving the courtesy of pretending to understand.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "I guess I regret losing control. I regret thinking that there was nothing to live for and thinking that the bad would just somehow go away. I regret taking advantage of my friends and blaming everyone around me for my problem."

"You don't regret starting your addiction?"

Quinn shook her head, "No, I would've died. All your addictions started with a choice but mine didn't. I never had the choice to enjoy the pills I took. I took them so my fractured bones and bruised ribs would stop hurting. The problem was that once I had the chance to stop, it was too late."

Everyone clapped as John nodded, "You're on your way to recovery."

* * *

**[One month later]**

Quinn sat opposite to her therapist and rung her hands in her lap.

"What happened the night your friends found out you were an addict?"

She felt herself go back to that night without a second thought.

_She didn't think things were supposed to feel this bad. She felt like she couldn't escape him if she tried. He was in her nightmares and threatened to be in her reality again. It hurt too much to sleep. Her body was still going through withdrawals so she was still sweating but her shaking stopped mostly._

_She slipped out of her mom's bed and went into the bathroom. She softly shut the door and got out her phone. There was only one person she had in her mind to call._

_A groggy voice answered, "Hello?"_

_"Santana? It's Quinn."_

_There was a pause before she heard her clear her throat, "It's three in the morning."_

_Quinn sat down on the floor with her knees to her chest, "I know.. I just need a friend. Everyone's asleep and I need to make sure that it wasn't my fault."_

_"What wasn't your fault?"_

_She felt her throat close up as tears spilled over, "My dad..." She could finished the sentence without her voice giving out. "I just need to know that people won't hate me."_

_She heard Santana's voice clear up of sleep, "Hate you for what?"_

_"I can't take it anymore Santana.. I think it's my fault and it hurts too much to think about. I want to go back to when we used to be best friends. Can we do that? When we'd stay up all night and talk for hours about Brittany and you'd go on about how beautiful she was?"_

_"You want to talk about Brittany?" Santana asked in confusion._

_"No.." It made Quinn smile between the tears. "I just want to remember what it was like before my dad started coming into my room and..." Quinn rested her head against the wall and shuttered. "I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have called this late."_

_"You're not thinking of-"_

_Quinn knew where the conversation was headed and cut her off, "No, never. I wouldn't.."_

_"Because some of the things you're saying.. It's just scaring me a little bit. It seems like-"_

_"I wouldn't. I just need someone to talk to."_

_"I'm glad you called.. It's nice to know you'd still come to me when you're feeling like this. I know I haven't been a great friend but you need to know that whatever your dad did to you.. We still love you. You're not any less of our friend. You know that right? We wouldn't blame you for anything he did. I know I've tried to make you tell us what he did but you don't have to. He's the one to blame, not you."_

_"But it.. It still hurts and knowing that I can't make it go away with a snap of my fingers.. I think I finally realized that it's real. What's happening is real and no amount of pills or begging will make it go away so easily."_

_"And we're still here. No one's left you. You're not alone in this fight Quinn."_

She cleared her throat as she snapped back to the therapist's office, "I told Santana about my dad. She said that she still loved me."

"Did you think she wouldn't?"

"No.. But that's because I knew it wasn't a good thing."

Her therapist nodded, "And this constant voice in your head, what do you think it is?"

"My conscious. Or what's left of it. It's the residue from all those pills I took. I think it was once my ambition to be better. I think everything that happened with my dad tainted it. The abuse, the constant feeling that I wouldn't live to see the next day."

"You still call him your father. Why?"

Quinn answered right away, "Because he is my father."

"Of course, biologically speaking. But he's been cut out of your life and hasn't made an effort in months to contact you. The Berry's have taken you in, took over parental rights of you and helped your mom this past year. Do you put them in the same category?"

"Of course not." Quinn paused and reevaluated her answer. "Ten years ago I would've said yes. That my father was the most perfect man in the world but I didn't know he was hurting my mom. I was too young to realize that the monster I was afraid of wasn't some imaginary creature under my bed, it was my dad."

"You think he was the perfect man despite everything he's done to you and your mother?"

"If you take all the evil out of the devil, do you still consider him evil?"

Her therapist smiled and shook her head, "I guess not... Do you miss him?"

"I miss the man I thought he was.. I can't even.."

"Be intimate with Rachel?"

Quinn looked down at her lap, "N-No. I still have nightmares and flashbacks. But she understands. She loves me."

Her therapist wrote something down and smiled, "You're really strong Quinn. Stronger than you know."

Now, maybe this isn't a resolved ending that you were hoping for. Maybe you were hoping that Quinn would magically be cured of her addiction and suddenly be attached to the hip of Rachel Berry. But it hurt for her to breathe every second of everyday and wanted to be okay for herself. She wanted to recover so she could love Rachel in a way that she deserved. She wanted to stop worrying about the little bag in her pocket. She wanted her mom to forgive herself for leaving her with Russel. The voice was still there but with time she knew it would go away.

Still, sometimes she couldn't take what happened but that's why this story is ending, because the effects of her recovery is an entirely different story.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading :) Here's the link for my new story that's a rewrite of Angel's & Demons (delete the spaces)- fanfiction s/9168204/1/A-Spark-in-the-Night**


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